Candace Owens Reflects on One Year Since Charlie Kirk's Death: A Journey Through Grief, Investigation, and Unanswered Questions
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Candace Owens Reflects on One Year Since Charlie Kirk's Death: A Journey Through Grief, Investigation, and Unanswered Questions
Candace Owens shares deeply personal journal entries marking the one-year anniversary of Charlie Kirk's death. From initial grief and anger to her investigation into the circumstances surrounding his assassination, Owens details her emotional journey, spiritual experiences, and determination to uncover the truth. She reveals disturbing inconsistencies in the official narrative, questions about his wife Erika Kirk, and connections to Kanye West's song 'Power' that prophetically seemed to mirror Charlie's final months. Eight months pregnant and emotionally raw, Owens commits to carrying on Charlie's mission and exposing what she believes was a coordinated betrayal by powerful forces.
One year after Charlie Kirk's death, Candace Owens shares an intensely personal account of her grief journey. Speaking while eight months pregnant, she takes viewers through journal entries she wrote throughout the year, offering an unfiltered look at the emotional devastation and questions that followed the loss of her best friend and political partner.
Owens begins with raw honesty, expressing anger at Charlie for not listening to her warnings, just as he never listened when she told him running ten miles daily would injure him. She recalls how he couldn't do anything halfway, how he hated fishing because he wasn't made for slowing down, always doing ten things at once.
The Immediate Aftermath and Stages of Grief
In journal entries from mid-October following Charlie's death in September, Owens describes being in Wyoming, one of their favorite states. She details moving through what she calls the "clinical" stages of grief, particularly focusing on the intensity of her initial response. She distinguishes between crying and weeping, describing the latter as "distinctly guttural, almost animalistic sounding."
Owens reveals that the trauma nearly drove her to a breaking point, leading to anorexia as the only thing she felt she could control. She describes the choice between Wyoming or a sanitarium, with her husband George recognizing she needed to get away. The moment George told her definitively "I think he's dead, honey. I think Charlie's dead" marked a turning point in accepting reality.
Spiritual Experiences and Haunting Dreams
Throughout her journals, Owens describes what she characterizes as spiritual experiences following Charlie's death. She mentions vivid dreams that felt like more than just dreams, describing feeling Charlie's presence in a haunting way. Her priest told her that Charlie was likely in purgatory and that she needed to pray for his soul.
Most significantly, Owens claims she knew Charlie had been betrayed even before receiving confirmation of his death. While praying with George in his office, she stated "They betrayed him," possessing knowledge she couldn't explain through normal means.
Suspicious Circumstances and Global Broadcast
Owens expresses deep suspicion about how Charlie's death was broadcast globally across social media platforms. She notes that Facebook, TikTok, and X all seemed to simultaneously malfunction in their violence prevention measures, allowing the footage to spread unchecked in a way that "defied algorithmic norms."
She believes powerful forces wanted everyone to watch Charlie die, though she remains uncertain of the exact reason. This conviction fueled her determination to investigate rather than simply accept the official narrative.
The Memorial Service Controversy
Owens describes Charlie's memorial as disappointingly impersonal, comparing it to an RNC rally filled with suits who portrayed him only as a conservative political figure. She criticizes the event for lacking personality and heart, with speakers who seemed not to know Charlie outside his role building Turning Point USA.
She specifically mentions Ben Shapiro "sliding into Charlie's studio within days, one million dollars in hand," claiming he would "pick up Charlie's bloody mic." The presence of Susie Wiles as a speaker particularly bothered Owens, who questions whether anyone truly believed Charlie would have wanted her at his funeral.
Support from John Mappin and Iryna Zarutska
When Owens felt she was drowning while demanding answers, she found support from John Mappin and Iryna Zarutska, whom she describes as Charlie's "real friends." Iryna noticed something immediately off at the memorial, particularly the unusual number of Russian speakers present in Arizona.
The couple wrote an open letter that Owens credits with giving her strength to continue fighting. The letter characterized Charlie's death as "an assassination with potentially far-reaching political consequences for America and the world," criticizing the apparently destroyed crime scene and evidence that "simply does not add up."
The Open Letter's Call for Truth
The letter from Mappin and Zarutska defended Owens' investigation, stating: "We are growing rather sick and ashamed of seeing people criticize Candace for doing her level best to get to the bottom of and to the truth of what happened to Charlie on that day."
They argued that the official investigation should share everything with Owens and her team if truth was their sincere objective. The letter characterized her actions as "not just the actions that any real friend would take for their friend" but as "the highest order of patriotism" and "a service to the whole country and to the world." They described her work as "truly providential, divinely inspired, and metaphysical."
Questions About Erika Kirk
In later journal entries, Owens addresses painful discoveries about Charlie's wife, Erika Kirk. She expresses how much she wanted the world to be wrong about Erika but found they were right, which "about broke me in half" because she knew how badly Charlie wanted love.
Owens recalls Charlie's beautiful messages about his crushes and aspirations toward love and marriage, noting how the idea motivated him in every aspect of his life and career. She mentions knowing about a scheduled will change, a house in the suburbs Charlie purchased and dreamed of moving into that Erika made excuses to avoid, and concludes that Erika "has been chasing power" her entire life.
Reflecting on Erika's claim that she first laid eyes on Charlie at an airport but chose not to approach, Owens notes the timing coincided with other significant events in 2018.
The Prophetic Events of 2018
Owens describes April and May 2018 as providential months when many things were set in motion. She and Charlie were listening to Kanye West's song "Power" repeatedly. During this time, Charlie began telling her with absolute certainty that he had dreamed his own death, that it would be associated with Turning Point USA and a wider world awakening.
Charlie told Owens she would be the one to finish what they started, and when she said she didn't want him to die, he responded: "Don't fear death. Embrace it. Or else you'll lose your mind. You were sent here to fix things. They won't let it happen. They won't kill you. Instead, they'll make stuff up, and that won't work. They will then try to attack family, and that won't work either."
Weeks later, Kanye tweeted "I love the way Candace Owens thinks," which Owens says "rips a hole in the universe." They flew to see him, and two weeks after that stood together in Israel. During this same period, Owens felt an overwhelming spiritual urge to be in London, leading to an unplanned trip to the UK that she believes saved her life by leading her to meet her future husband George.
The Meaning Behind "Power"
After Charlie's death, Owens listened to Kanye's "Power" daily and even texted Kanye asking why he wrote it. He replied: "It's a battle cry to be yourself."
Owens had previously explained the song's three verses to Charlie during a drive in Colorado. The first verse represents youthful perception and early struggles. The second verse depicts fame and money but continued restriction, now fighting against media that can make or break people. The third and most important verse deals with politics and the highest level of power.
In the third verse, Kanye references being called "the abomination of Obama's nation." Owens notes that since Charlie's death and her declaration of war on liars, she's been called "the abomination of Trump's nation," with Trump tweeting a mockup of her as Time's "most vile person of the year."
Beautiful Death and the Spartan Connection
The song's climax discusses a "beautiful death" - choosing to die true to oneself rather than compromise one's soul. Owens learned from the production team that this section was inspired by a scene from the movie "300" where a Spartan sees thousands of enemies approaching, smiles, and speaks of hoping for "a beautiful death" in honorable combat against impossible odds.
The song ends with a question: "Do you have the power to let power go?" Owens concludes that Charlie made it to the third verse, that he was under immense political pressure regarding Israel, that his life became "the Truman Show," but he chose to die with his soul intact. She's proud of him for that choice.
Healing and Finding Laughter Again
As the one-year anniversary approached, Owens shares that she can laugh again - really laugh. It first happened in Spain with a girlfriend over something ridiculous. She experienced belly laughter with tears of joy, something healing about Spain in every way.
She's now able to think about Charlie without anger, instead focusing on what she'll miss most: their road trips singing ridiculous songs, mountain drives with Kanye's music, Charlie never letting her drive and mandating bathroom break schedules.
The Reimagining of Charlie's Legacy
Owens expresses frustration with how Charlie's life has been reimagined since his death. She claims people are saying he was friends with Laura Loomer, hated Candace, loved neocons and wars, and didn't favor Tucker Carlson. "There is not a piece of you that they did not try to sell," she writes, mentioning personal letters, the tent he died beneath, and the microphone he was holding.
She's reached a point where she can laugh at these distortions because "the Department of War is sending out the real crazies now."
Kanye's Chicago Concert and Ghost Town
Owens attended Kanye's concert during the week of Charlie's death anniversary. After six years, Kanye returned to Chicago, and Owens had been trying for over a year to get his song "Ghost Town" for her podcast intro - a track from the Wyoming album she attended the release party for, replaying it for Charlie repeatedly.
Kid Cudi is featured on the track, but he and Kanye had a massive public falling out in 2022. To Owens' shock, Kanye brought Kid Cudi on stage to close the show with that exact song. The convergence of the Wyoming album, the one-year anniversary, and "Ghost Town" felt profoundly meaningful.
Owens explains the song is about choosing between trying to make the world love you versus freeing yourself from that pursuit - freeing yourself from policing a system that will never actually love you back.
Final Reflections and Commitment
A mutual friend told Owens after Charlie's death: "A soul in struggle will eventually free itself." She believes Charlie freed himself and knows she will see him again.
Owens declares that Charlie's name is trending every day, the whole world knows he was betrayed, and his assassination was ordered by the most powerful people in the world. She feels reunited with him spiritually, "doing one last tour" together.
She closes by affirming there is no Candace without Charlie, they came up in politics together, and she will never allow his memory to be forgotten. Despite the pain, she commits to carrying the torch and continuing their mission: "Our haters better have a lot of stamina because we are just getting started."
