Up Next
Zachary Taylor: The War Hero Who Never Voted Until His Own Presidential Election in 1848
5:55
Andrew Kolvet and Raheem Kassam on Mark Zuckerberg's Free Speech Pivot and Europe's Censorship Regime
11:13
The Eternal Consequences of Our Choices: A Former Industry Worker's Story of Redemption and Regret
5:22
Nala Ray Made $14 Million on OnlyFans Before Jesus Changed Everything
Nala Ray built a multimillion-dollar empire creating adult content on OnlyFans, earning $87,000 her first month alone. But behind the luxury cars, designer bags, and California mansion was a soul drowning in emptiness, chasing validation she never received growing up. From childhood molestation at 13, to her parents' divorce after a tornado destroyed their home, to becoming one of OnlyFans' top creators, Nala's journey reveals the hidden cost of fame in the porn industry. Her story took a dramatic turn when she met a Christian man on TikTok who had no idea who she was. What happened next, including her ex-pastor father encouraging her to stay on OnlyFans, will challenge everything you think you know about redemption, family, and finding true love.
The Tornado That Changed Everything
Nala Ray's story doesn't begin with OnlyFans. It begins in Billings, Missouri, when a tornado ripped through her childhood home, destroying everything her family owned. She shared a room with her sisters, and a hundred-year-old tree crashed directly into their space. If they hadn't gotten up, they would have been dead.
The family lost everything—clothes, toys, possessions—all sucked out of the house. For twelve weeks, five children and two parents crammed into a hotel room while trying to rebuild their lives. As an adult, Nala understands her parents did the best they could in that horrifying situation. But as a child, the trauma planted seeds that would shape her future in ways no one could have predicted.
Shortly after they finally got back on their feet and moved into a new home, Nala's parents divorced. There had been infidelity. At just eleven years old, she watched her father leave, confused and hurt, not understanding why the people who promised to stay together forever were breaking apart.
A Father's Abandonment and Return
Nala's father didn't just move to another state—he moved to Mexico. He was gone, completely out of reach unless the family got on a plane. The one time they visited him there, he felt like a different person, a stranger wearing her father's face.
The family was homeschooled, so Nala had no escape, no social outlet beyond her siblings and the walls of their home. She watched her mother sink into depression while trying to homeschool five children through her own pain. The arguing between her parents continued even from different countries, and the uncertainty wore on everyone.
Two and a half years later, her father moved back from Mexico and got a townhome nearby to share custody. Eventually, her parents remarried. For Nala, who just wanted her family together no matter what, this felt like relief—a return to something that resembled stability. But the foundation had already cracked.
The Introduction to Sex That Twisted Everything
At thirteen years old, Nala was molested by a sixteen-year-old boy her parents had welcomed into their home. They felt sorry for him because he came from a home filled with heavy drugs and wanted to help him. But they didn't really know him, and Nala paid the price.
As a thirteen-year-old, she had no framework for what was happening to her. She didn't tell her parents until she was sixteen, but by then, they already knew something was wrong. She was sneaking out of windows at 2 a.m., returning at 4 or 5 a.m., acting wild and rebellious. Her parents finally put her in therapy with an eighty-year-old woman who told Nala that her introduction to sex had been so dark and perverted that it twisted the way she saw sexuality—it was no longer pure or proper.
By fifteen, Nala was sexually active, craving attention and affection she never received at home. She got a job at fifteen just to escape the house and worked forty hours a week by sixteen—something her boss allowed because she was such a good worker. She desperately needed purpose, needed to feel valued, needed freedom. She felt like a caged bird.
The Pastor's Kid Who Lost Faith
After her parents remarried, they became Christians. Her father wanted to become a pastor, and the family moved from Illinois to Florida. Suddenly, Nala and her siblings were preacher's kids, expected to show up at church every Sunday, Wednesday, and Saturday—not by choice, but by obligation.
There were three consecutive church splits with her father as head pastor. At the time, Nala never thought to blame her father—he was her dad, and as a kid, you don't see your parents that way. But looking back now, especially as her father currently faces a prison sentence, she questions everything. Was it really the people of the church causing problems, or was it him?
Nala never felt like a real Christian. Everything felt shoved down her throat because she was the pastor's kid. She had to show face, had to be there, had to play the role. Her parents, especially her mother, were thrust into roles as spiritual shepherds before they had healed from their own trauma. The entire family was performing Christianity without experiencing genuine transformation.
The Path to OnlyFans
Nala's journey to OnlyFans didn't happen overnight. It started with little steps—posting bikini photos on Instagram as a fitness influencer, sending nudes to boyfriends, getting comfortable with her body being viewed sexually. Each step opened another doorway.
When COVID hit, she was working for an orthopedics company making $3,500 a month, feeling stuck after two and a half years with no upward mobility. Then a random guy messaged her on Instagram: "You would kill it on OnlyFans."
She had no idea what OnlyFans was. He explained it was a site where you could be exclusive with your fans. She thought it might be a scam but created her own account anyway, using bikini photos to promote it. She had 20,000 Instagram followers and bright red hair—one of the first bright red-haired girls on the platform.
Her first month, posting teaser content that wasn't fully explicit yet, she made $87,000. She immediately quit her job.
The Trap of Money and Emptiness
Every month became a game of topping the previous month. Nala fed off that thought. OnlyFans took a percentage of her earnings, and as her subscriber count grew past 100,000, she had to hire people to message subscribers for her. The operation scaled quickly.
Subscribers would send direct messages requesting custom content: "If you send me this picture or this video, I'll pay you X amount of money." All types of men—business professionals, doctors, lawyers, husbands—were willing to pay whatever she asked. She was building relationships with them online, creating customized fantasies, saying their names in videos. They felt connected to her, but she didn't care about any of them. They were transactions. Give me the check, whoever you are.
Over five years, Nala's content generated $14 million. She didn't net that—OnlyFans took 50%, and she paid taxes on the whole amount. Her first year in California, state taxes alone were $70,000. But even after all that, she was still making millions.
She moved to Los Angeles and rented a $3.4 million house for $16,000 a month. She drove a Porsche. She traveled to other countries to buy one-of-a-kind designer bags. Every room in her six-bedroom home was stuffed with clothes. She had a wicked gaming setup because she loved playing Call of Duty. She had two dogs. She was single, high all the time, and living in what people call "La La Land"—a cloud where you don't even know what day it is.
She smoked weed every day to numb herself so she could focus on her work. She even took Adderall for a while to enhance the high but had to stop because her heart rate got too fast—she felt like she was going to have a heart attack. She took up martial arts, learned bow staffing, nunchucks, samurai sword fighting, started taking Japanese lessons. She had all the time and money to pursue any hobby she wanted.
But she was completely numb. She didn't cry for two years. She couldn't feel anything except rage, which is why she started boxing—to release the anger that had no other outlet. She was calloused over, emotionally unreachable. Nothing could hurt her feelings anymore because she didn't have feelings. She wasn't happy. She was just mellow, just existing.
When Family Found Out
Nala's father found out about OnlyFans when someone at his work told him. He didn't believe them at first and called Nala to ask. She didn't lie—she told him yes.
Her mother found out in the most embarrassing way possible. While at dinner with her parents, a waiter came up and asked, "Are you Nala Ray?" Her mother immediately Googled the name. Everything came out.
Her mother cut off contact with her. They didn't speak for three years. The last thing her mother said before Nala moved to California was, "I hope you're happy in all the choices you make," dripping with sarcasm. Her mother was shielding herself from the pain of watching her daughter go down a dark path.
But her father's reaction was shockingly different. Her ex-pastor father encouraged her to stay on OnlyFans. Nala was sending him money every month—paying for his life, helping with his bills, funding a divorce lawyer for one of her siblings, covering custody battles. Every time he called, it was about money. And she gave it to him because at least one person in her family was still speaking to her.
The disconnect from her mother and family threw Nala fully into porn. She figured she had nothing left to lose. No friends, no family support except from a father who was financially benefiting from her sin. She went full send.
The Man Who Changed Everything
Nala met her now-husband on TikTok during a live battle—a feature where two creators split the screen and compete to earn the most coins from viewers. He was dressed in full body armor, an ex-Air Force soldier with a solid bulletproof helmet, NODs, and level five plated vest. She went into his live and gifted him coins so they could win. He threw his chair and screamed her name in celebration.
It gave her a rush—she liked winning. He sent her his work number. She ignored it at first, but the next day she saw his live again, helped him win again, and he FaceTimed her. She was confused—why was this guy FaceTiming her? She was in the middle of bow staffing and didn't want to be bothered.
But they got into a deep conversation and stayed up for seven hours talking. She realized he was hurt, going through his own pain from a previous relationship. She was intrigued because no one in L.A. ever opened up about real stuff—everything was always just great. He had no idea who she was or what she did. He wasn't on that side of the internet. He was a Christian who just saw a content creator with a big following.
They became best friends. Nothing sexual, just deep conversations. She loved that he didn't objectify her, didn't ask what she did for work, just wanted to know her as a person. They bonded over being country kids at heart—she loved hunting and fishing, and he was from the sticks.
She told him upfront about OnlyFans. He asked, "What's OnlyFans?" She explained, expecting him to walk away. He didn't care. But as they got closer, he started sending her Bible verses, Christian content, voice notes of him praying for her.
One day he sent her a video saying, "I know you may not want to hear this, but God loves you so much and you are so worth it. What you're doing is not right." He called out her sin directly. She got defensive, ready to end the friendship, feeling judged. But he wasn't judging her—he was loving her. She didn't understand that in December when it happened.
The Night God Met Her Where She Was
They met in late September. By January, they were boyfriend and girlfriend—but he refused to date her until she gave her life to Christ. He didn't just want to see her get saved and baptized. He wanted to hear her say she was deleting OnlyFans.
One night in December, around 2 a.m., Jordan was upstairs falling asleep on FaceTime. Nala felt weird—her emotions were stirring, but she couldn't explain it. She walked downstairs by herself and, for some reason, pulled her Bible out of a cabinet in the living room. She had set it on the counter earlier, and it was right in her view.
She started crying for no reason she could identify. She freaked out, sat down looking at her fireplace, then looked over at her Bible. She picked it up and started flipping through it, seeing all the highlights from her past. She thought, "God, I used to know you. I used to know about you."
She started praying, telling God honestly what she was feeling: "Nothing is filling this void. I feel nothing. Everything I'm trying is failing. It's all slipping through my fingers like sand. I don't know what to do. I need you to tell me what I need to do because I don't know."
She was completely open and honest with God, and that's all God wanted—not for her to come clean, but to come as she was, honestly. In that moment, she heard God's voice for the first time in her life. He said, "I was all you ever needed."
That one sentence answered all her questions. Why didn't the bags make her feel good? Why didn't the Porsche satisfy her? Why did she feel so empty? God was all she ever needed, and she had been trying to fill the void with money and material things.
The Decision to Walk Away
When Nala decided to follow Christ, she called her father with her husband right next to her. She was excited to tell him she was getting off OnlyFans. His response: "Why don't you just stay on another year and a half and make more money? It's really expensive right now, and you know, you should settle yourself in."
She couldn't believe her ex-pastor father was telling her to continue making porn. She told him she was getting off, no matter what he said.
Deleting OnlyFans was one of the hardest decisions of her life. She was saying goodbye to financial freedom, to security, to being her own boss for six years. She didn't think she needed a man—she was the provider. But she felt overwhelming conviction over not just OnlyFans, but the way she spoke, her perverted tongue, cussing, immodesty, who she had in her life, and smoking weed constantly. She realized she wasn't being sober-minded.
People often attack her online, saying if she really changed, she would have donated all $14 million to charity. But she didn't make $14 million—that's what she generated. OnlyFans took 50%, and she paid taxes on the full amount. God didn't call her to give up all her funds—He called her to stop making that money. She sold all her designer things, gave up her Porsche, and now drives a Jeep. She lives a minimalistic, middle-class life and feels humbled by it.
She grew up poor, got really rich, and is now middle-class again. She's at peace with it.
Married in Seven Months
Nala and Jordan met in late September, started dating in January, and were married in March—seven months total. They didn't believe in dating for a long time because of the temptation, especially for someone like Nala. They knew they loved each other, and Jordan had led her to Christ. He was the only person at her baptism, hugging her while she cried with her makeup running, fully supporting her even though they weren't dating yet.
Jordan kept his standards solid from the beginning. He refused to compromise, and Nala encourages all men to have those same standards when looking for a woman. A lot of people asked if she just followed Christ to get married. She says absolutely not—she didn't even know if they were going to date, let alone get married. She was going through such a massive lifestyle change that she wasn't worried about their relationship. At one point, she tried to push him away because she was scared of everything happening inside her.
But God had different plans. Jordan stayed, continued praying for her, and waited until he saw her genuinely delete OnlyFans before moving forward with their relationship.
The Backlash and the Cost
Nala faces constant backlash online. Hundreds of thousands of comments on her social media platforms call her fake, accuse her of lying about her conversion, question her motives. She understands why—her story is extreme, and people are skeptical.
But she wants people to understand the cost of OnlyFans. It's not just your soul—you pay for it in your thoughts, in your body. You become a slave to hundreds of thousands of people, and you don't even realize it. During it, she felt like the boss. Now, she sees clearly: she wasn't the boss at all.
The devil can give you things too. He can give you money, fame, luxury—all to keep you away from God. That's exactly what he gave Nala: an option to not follow Christ. She took the bait for five years, but the hooks went deep.
Finding True Love
Before meeting Jordan, Jesus was like a genie in a bottle to Nala—someone she prayed to when she needed to get out of trouble, like when she was cheating in school or her parents were mad at her. She never had a relationship with Christ.
Now, Jesus is everything to her—and even saying that doesn't feel like enough. Her soul needs Him. She's never been a reader until she became a Christian. Now, she can't get enough. She reads her Bible and immediately wants more, so she picks up books by John Bevere—The Awe of God, The Holy Spirit, Driven by Eternity—along with Soul Care and The Power of a Praying Wife.
She's consuming Christian content constantly because she's trying to change her mental maps—the way she thinks about everything. Her communion with the Holy Spirit has become firm. She learned that the Holy Spirit isn't just a floating cloud—He's here for her because God and Jesus are in heaven, and they sent the Holy Spirit to be with her on earth.
She encourages anyone who's thirsty for God to keep that thirst alive. Don't let it go dry. Don't just read your Bible. Don't just pray. Worship, read about Him, sing about Him. Sometimes she makes up her own worship songs in the shower, singing what's in her heart about God. It doesn't sound good, but it sounds good to Him.
A Message to Those in the Industry
When asked what she would say to people currently on OnlyFans or thinking about it, Nala says she could just tell them "don't," but that doesn't give depth to the price you pay. You don't just pay with your soul—you pay with your thoughts, your body. You become a slave and don't even know it.
Now that she's completely out, she realizes she was the slave of hundreds of thousands of people. During it, she thought she was the boss. She wasn't.
If someone wants to pay that price, that's their choice. But they need to make the decision very carefully because there is a cost, even though they're making money. The devil can give you things too, and he gave Nala the option to stay away from God for five years.
The Purpose Beyond the Pain
Nala believes people often wait for a big Christian figure to turn the wheel and change the world. But she believes God is saying no—it's going to be little people everywhere, in all these little departments, just turning the wheel. Hers was the porn industry. Others are rappers, actors, people in every industry. You don't even need to be a big person—you can change your life in your little community.
Christians are harvesters now, not seeds. You can't help that sometimes seeds fall on deaf ears or on haters' ears. It takes time, but seeds get planted.
Nala is currently in therapy, working through reconnecting with her family. Her return wasn't like the prodigal son story where the father throws a feast and celebrates. Her parents' reaction wasn't what she expected. Her father is currently facing a prison sentence, and she's questioning everything about her childhood—when did he fall out of love with Jesus, or when did he stop fearing God?
But through it all, Nala feels at peace. She says the Holy Spirit was present during her interview, and she feels blessed. She's no longer chasing validation from men, money, or material things. She's found what she was searching for all along: true love from her Creator, who she will spend eternity with in heaven.
Even if she's a toilet scrubber in heaven, she'll take it. She just wants to be there, to touch God, to see Him. That's enough.
Video Transcript
how long were you on only fans 5 years good God and how much money do you think you made in total 14 million my first month on only fans I made 87 Grand oh my every month was like how can I top last month that was my brain like I fed off of that thought you're a puppet you're literally a pimped out puppet and your pimps are your subscribers woo and your conscious not like bothered at all I'd say it really started getting bothered when my family found out my mom like cut off contact with me my dad however was a very different story my dad encouraged me to stay on only fans time out ex Pastor hold on wait a minute rewind the tape what what would you say to either people who are on only fans currently or people who are thinking about it I'm going to share something really deep that I've never talked about this is the deep end with L all right ladies and gentlemen listen this is the deep end so we go deep and we want to bring you stories where faith and culture Collide and uh this is a very interesting story um because as we know within culture there's all types of content creators but some of those content creators are creating content in spaces and places that you dare not not go such as only fans and we have uh someone who was a massive only fans content creator making millions of dollars and then Jesus had a different plan and we're going to talk about the different plan that Jesus had in the life of Nala re so welcome thank you so much it's such an honor to meet you no man honor is mine man as I was telling you earlier like I've heard bits and pieces of like your journey Y and um you know the the big statement that everybody sees is like the only fans statement but but nobody just becomes an only fans content creator so there's a story behind that absolutely and I would love to just kind of understand um you know some of the story behind that so what I understand is like around 11 your parents divorced there was a tornado involved like what what what happened here while the story like really starts building as like a younger kid and um like more when I'm conscious you know and I'm really very well aware of like what's going on in my life and um a tornado hit our home when we were in Billings Missouri and completely took everything from us and that's tragic for a kid to so what happened was the tornado knocked over this ginormous like hundred-year-old tree into our room like I shared a room with my sisters it was gone so like if we wouldn't have gotten up we would have been literally dead so really crazy but we lost everything our clothes our toys everything was gone sucked out of the house house and so we had kind of like just had to start over from there um we lived in a hotel for like 12 weeks it was really long having five children you know you're living in a hotel room all different ages and um I think my parents did the absolute best they could in that horrifying situation as an adult you process things different as a than a kid you know so you're dealing with oh my gosh we have children we have bills to pay where are we going to live next and the kids are like oh we could just stay in a hotel for 12 weeks you know what I'm saying but we lost everything it's just really hard to wrap your mind around that but then you know we got back on our feet we're living in a home again my parents divorced very shortly after that um so there was some infidelity there and that hurt you know so like you know you just saying goodbye to your dad cuz he left you know really really sucks and then like really not understanding why he left cuz your parents are going to tell you the reason why especially at a young age they're just going to say hey we're getting a divorce you don't even know what divorce is you're like but you guys said you're going to stay together forever you know and then that's just not the case and so it's so hard as a kid I realized to see your parents as like actual people and I've heard that so many times but when you reflect on that you're like wow like when when you're an adult you just deal with things differently and when you're a kid you just expect to be like provided for and like everything's just going to be okay you know but then my dad was gone for a couple years and then they remarried so he comes back into the family wait a minute time out time out it's a lot of trauma that you just experienced a tornado at 11 is traum is traumatizing a divorce is traumatizing yeah you're you're feeling the way to that like you're talking about and then they get back together like two and a half years later they remarry what was was that were you seeing evidence of that or did it feel like wait maybe they're going to get back together or what so my dad wasn't living he was living in Mexico so he completely just like left left it wasn't like a couple states away or maybe a couple minutes away it was like dude you're gone gone we cannot see you unless we get on a plane to see you so we went actually one time to go see him in um Mexico and he was just like didn't even feel like my dad it was weird like very different person W and then shortly after that my parents continued their Communications it was very rough lots of arguing lots of fights my Dad decided to move back from Mexico and get like a town home kind of near where we are to start sharing custody with us and then I guess they fell back in love I don't know as a kid like you just want your parents to be together no matter what and the feeling of that was like yes thankfully you know like cuz it was just so all like uncertain you know all the arguing and like it just like wears on you as a kid and you're just so unsure and your both of your parents are just really hurt so that's that's really hard to go through but I was also homeschooled so I wasn't going to school nothing I was being homeschooled by my mom who was also going through her own stuff you know like depression and it's so hard to see your mom go through that or any parent go through that and you're just don't even know what's going on and then all of a sudden your dad's back in your life and things are looking good and you're like okay I'll take it I'll take it you know so you're you're probably what around 14 around the time to get back yeah so from like 11 to 14 you're like what are you feeling are you feeling like man are you feeling are you feeling the weight of it is it is it like do you feel rebellious or do you feel like I don't care or you just don't know you I just don't know and it's really hard because when you go through trauma you really push that back and as a kid you don't even know you're going through trauma but as an adult you're like man I don't even remember how I was really feeling because it was just so much hurt all the time so I wish I could reflect back on like how I was really feeling but I can't I think I've just pushed that so far out push it back right like um I just remember just being confused you know like that's pretty much it well hey I I love Jesus but I love therapy too so you know hopefully some therapy down the line will help you I'm actually in therapy right now so I'm dealing with other issues too just like reconnecting with my family you know that's a really big part part of like my journey back as like the prodical daughter I'd say like I didn't like the reaction I got from my parents wasn't as what like I expected because you read it in the Bible and you're like this big feast and he comes back and he's adored by his parents you know but that did not happen Oo we going to go there let's go there let's go there but before we do I'm I'm curious like your family gets back together and then your dad does the whole family become a part of the church or just your dad like so how did that happen what happened oddly enough like my parents moved us to Florida from Illinois and that like my my dad was a pastor in Illinois so before that um he was always a pastor not always he because like after they remarried that's when they started becoming like Christians so it was like okay we started um visiting a church there and I was going to a Christian School like a really tiny private Christian School and slowly but surely like this ball kept rolling where my dad wanted to be a pastor and I was like okay sounds good like all right so we're in Illinois we're like my dad's a pastor all of a sudden we are preachers kids and there was like three consecutive Church splits yeah with my dad being the head Pastor wow and you know what's crazy I never thought about it like looking at my dad like it was his fault because you're like you're like his kid you know you're like my dad didn't do that yeah but now if I get into some crazy stuff for you right now my dad is actually facing a prison sentence right now so ooh like it's crazy because now that he is facing that I look back on everything like my mind just won't stop going over all these details like what's going on like was it really him or was it the people of the church or was it just different beliefs you know it's so hard to like see that because it's your dad you know but he was also supposed to be like the spiritual leader you know so I'm like when did you fall out of love with Jesus or when did you stop fearing God it's not always about like not loving God it's sometimes just about not fearing him you know because when you fear God you're you're stepping away from Evil you know that's not even in your foresight so but yeah did you feel inconsistency in the house like did it feel like like cuz you're like oh they started following God like did you see them grow and sometimes like uh I don't know if this is like looking back now that you know what it means to be a Christian when you look back at them are you do you feel like they were the model Christians or you or you can see like okay I can see where they needed some growth that I really do see it as a Christian cuz I was never like a Christian Christian I just felt like everything was being shoved down my throat and I had to do it cuz I was the pastor's kid I had to show up like Sunday Wednesday Saturday like I just had to be there and it wasn't like my choice it was like you know what you need to show face because you're the pastor's family you know and I'm I know my other brothers and sisters feel the exact same way and even my mom in some ways I I know she feels like that like was just kind of like forced into this role when she wasn't even healed yet you know from all this past trauma and then you have to step in a role as like a shepherd yeah you're like how do I even do that you know so it it's funny CU now you set the stage in a lot of ways for like what you ended up a part of and a lot of people just they look at folks and they say well why would they make this decision or why would they do that and instead of saying like why do people do what they do sometimes you have to say what happened to them you know what I mean and that's how I'm listening at your story now and I'm like well you know I can see people saying I oh she was on only fans and such and such there's such a backstory you know someone doesn't just get on only fans become a millionaire and then they're just like whoopy do like I just wanted to try it out no and I think that's a big misconception right now with people that they like there's no way she became a Christian you know what I'm saying I'm like you don't know how broken I was let me build the clock for you so I can tell you the time because becoming the the only fans content creator was not going to fill the void of all the trauma that you it preach it I had such a void in my soul like not just my heart but like my very being was like chipped away you know from so much hurt and I don't get me wrong I was a bad teenager like a bad one like out of five kids I was the worst talk about that what what's happening as a bad what does a bad teenager look like so rebellious so stubborn like very like thickheaded thought I knew what I wanted you know I want to do this this and this I'm going to do this this and this and I don't care what you say you know what I'm saying but like for me it really started with me liking boys and I was like Hey like somebody likes me I'm not like just this ugly duckling you know my you're isolated you're homeschooled so you don't isolated and you just go to church and you're homeschooled like that's about it and I I got a job when I was like 15 cuz I just wanted to get out of the house so bad and then I found like I was just like flirting all the time and I love the attention and you know what I realized like once I went through like my love languages I was like oh I love physical touch like and I don't get that at home no one's saying you're my sweetheart I love you all I see is like my mom being depressed and my dad is like not there mentally you know so I'm just like and then I know my other brothers and sisters went through their own things but once I kind of really started figuring out like what I loved and what made me feel loved I could see like where I wasn't getting that and that's where therapy comes in but it's really nice to like reflect and kind of build like the puzzle piece back and you're like okay like I I really understand that better now you create in a lot of ways a false sense of Love or security that's it and I did that I know this because I experienced it you know coming from a traumatized background not feeling affirmed in certain ways you start looking for substitutes to like make you feel whole and I did the exact same thing so so you're a teenager you're chasing boys yeah and enjoying the attention that boys are giving you how are Mom and Dad are they do they know about this or they finding out or they didn't find out for a while uh I'm going to share something really deep that I've never talked about but I do feel comfortable now after I've like kind of gone through therapy and I'm reading this amazing book called Soul Care really amazing book so but it it really explained a lot to me so my introduction into sex was when I was 13 I was molested by this person who my parents let into our home because he was like a 16-year-old kid and my parents wanted to like basically adopt him because he had a really horrible home life like I'm talking heavy drugs and so they felt really sorry for him but didn't really know him know him and I was taken advantage of by him and 13 years old like you I had no idea what any of that was like I didn't know what I was feeling I I was just like okay like and I didn't tell my parents until I was like 16 but they didn't even need to be told they knew something was wrong like I was sneaking out of the window at like 2:00 in the morning coming back at 4:00 or 5 a.m. you know and just acting so wild like crazy like I wanted like I started working like a 40 um a week hour a week job at like 16 and I know you're not supposed to do that but like my boss let me CU I was a great worker because I just needed purpose like I I needed something to hang on to cuz I didn't want to go back home I was like let me work let me make some money let me buy a car for myself you know like let me I need freedom I felt like a caged bird you know and I'm just like stuck in this cycle of homeschooling and church going and I didn't like my church and like I was just like dang I'm so stuck like it just it grips you and it just it's like horrible as a teenager to feel like that I didn't have any friends y like I don't know like my siblings were my friends and that's like not cool they have their own trauma they really do they really do and we took it out on each other for sure but yeah I first of all let me say I'm sorry that that happened to you it's okay and no I say that because I was also molested by a older teenage girl when I was a little boy and I shove it in the back of my brain because as a kid you don't know how to process it but you get older and you realize how it has negatively affected you in so many ways and I just want to say like the reason I say I'm sorry that happened to you is because I want you to like feel the same weight lifted off that I felt in knowing like oh some of the decisions I made that were not healthy decisions are not just a product of me just being a oh I fully realized that just being a crazy hormonal teenager ex yeah and that's what I thought like I was like dang I'm just wack man like what is wrong with me my parents made me feel like that like until I told them and then they just threw me into therapy with like an 80-year-old woman and I was like this helps you know so and like I kind of told her a little bit but then she just said that like my introduction to sex was so dark and perverted that it's like twisting the way I see sex and it's not proper it's not pure it is not the way you're supposed to go about it but I was like having you know sex at like I started having sex at like 15 and it was just like you know I needed that attention like I craved it I didn't even know what I craved but I knew I needed some love you know from somebody yeah I've never had an only fan subscription but I have had a bside subscription are you subscribed to the bside you see because what the bside does for you is it gives you bonus content exclusive course you can go deeper learn more and grow and become the person that you need to be you may not make millions on only fans but you will enrich your life all the more make sure you subscribe to the bside and it's taken out of the context of like it being spiritual and meaningful cuz someone already took it from you it's gone so it's like it's not this and so then you grow up like that's not a big deal it's just whatever or it's AOL to getse or whatever whatever what the world teaches especially if you talk to women nowaday they're like use that you know I'm like for what you want a Gucci bag I don't get it but I do get it too you know what I'm saying like it's like a power now and I'm like it's not a superpower man it's something to treasure oh man I wish I could go back oh now that I'm married I'm like oh I should have waited but no one explained that you know my parents did but I looked at them I'm like dude y'all have been divorced once like we're a broken family like what how important is that actually you know like my dad cheated on my mom like really is it that important you know so it's it's hard to respect that you know when you don't see that yep so as like as like a teenager you're just like whing with hormones and like you don't know what to do like you don't even feel like you can go to anybody about it you know even your therapist who's like 80 years old who's like drooling over there I'm like what am I going to say to you bro like I'm is killing me right now I just see like Mr Burns from The Simpsons trying to trying to coach you through stuff it's crazy to my brain that's wild um so I I appreciate you setting the stage and I think that's helpful especially for folks who are just like their sticker shock like the only fans I agree um but it's funny because I was watching some of your testimony with my daughter who's 15 and you look too young to have a daughter 15 years old talk nice to me black don't CRA that's right unless you smoke it don't smoke it but um but what was cool what she asked me was she was like how do people like how do how do people know her and I was like what do you mean and she was like why was she so popular before she became a Christian and I said only fans and she said how do people know about only fans and I love that like innocence oh it's so sweet hang on to that yeah but but it was interesting to me because I thought about it though and I said well that's interesting cuz I wouldn't have known who you were because I don't I you're not on that side of the Internet it's a completely different side whole another world whole another planet so I'm curious like what's the first what's the pinky toe before you get to only fans like what it how does it like or is it just like oh I'mma do that immediately like were there some steps was it like I put some pictures up online that are little like bikini photos on Instagram and I was like a fitness chick you know and I'm like oh I'm just doing this for Fitness you know like I look good I go to the gym like little tiny steps and then like I had a boyfriend I was like sending nudes to you know and I was like oh I'm comfortable with this like another doorway opened and then I was like I got so comfortable in that some random guy like messages me on Instagram and it's like this is right when only like covid just hit right like or just about hit and he's like you would kill it on only fans I'm like what is only fans bro and at the time I was working for an Orthopedics company like I'm doing like a real big girl job not making like any money you know feeling okay about it you know but I'm trying to make more money I'm trying to like escalate but I've been in that job for like 2 and a half years not going nowhere like they keep you where you're at and he was like you do great on only fans I was like what's only fans and he's like well it's a site you can like be exclusive on with your fans I'm like I have no fans bro who are you talking about like I have like 20K followers on Instagram and that's it I didn't have any other platforms and so he was just like well just start posting it open it up like through my link blah blah blah never used his link but I was just like cuz I didn't know if it was a scam or not so I just like created my own little account had no idea what to do on the the platform and just started like using my bikini photos to promote it and then slowly I just got like crazy traction because of it I had bright red hair I was like one of the first bright red haired girls on only fans did you do that before only fans like okay I've had red hair for a very long time now what were you when you first jumped on only fans are you just posting non adult type of pictures so just like like teasers teaser content like nothing crazy crazy but the amount I made in the first month was ridiculous from just like skin just a little skin just like a little more than a little but like obviously like showing some stuff but it was not anything like rated R yet you know so I was like maybe I do have fans and so you're so the first like how does it work so because I don't I don't I'm it's good that you don't know yeah like I don't even want to educate you on it but to promote it not to promote it but just for for people to understand how it could become addictive or how it can like the Trap of it all cuz we know it ended up being bad a huge trap the money's the Trap you know and so many they like only fans has so many recruiters because they'll give you a referral percentage of whatever that model makes if you sign them up so they have all these little recruiters out there like now what that guy was was like a recruiter like not hired on by only fans but was on only fans knew how it worked and was like Hey this girl could be big let me give her my referral code so I get 5% of what she makes wow so that's kind of how it started spreading like crazily and so I never referred one person to only fans not once I just didn't even care I was like I'm just doing my own thing and I want to stay off of this you know but then I noticed that showing more skin got me more money people started making more requests and I was like they're like I'm like you would pay that for that I was like so people send you a message saying if you do this I'll pay this yep you can say yes or no to it you you just continue to like to DM is a private message you send these people prage so they'll say hey if you send me this picture or this video I'll pay you x amount of money yep do you like who are these are these like I'm just wanted the typical character of like are these all types of people do you all types of people it was mainly just men I hardly ever had any women unless they were like lesbian or something but like C types of men are all like business professional doctor lawyer husband all of wow all of them I think not even I think I know that our addiction to porn in America is ridiculous yeah ridiculous and that's just in America like crazy and it's gotten so much worse because of only fans yeah like only fans exploited it yeah like only fans their first year on made over a billion dollars yeah it's disgusting what I see happening is funny boy Satan is Crafty but what what I see happening is like everything gets decentralized like music it's like you can curate your own music now you can curate you don't have to like watch movies you can make your own on tub or whatever you can just you know it's like I don't want to celebrity I don't want to Fan over celebrities I'll become one on Tik Tok and now it's like oh let me I don't want to watch pornography I want to create my own pornographic dream what a good way to put it it's just a fantasy so and that girl you're talking to you have a relationship with her online you know it's not like just a porn star you're watching on a screen and and there it happens and it ends it's like oh I'm building a relationship with this girl but you're not she could care less about you I'm telling you that right she doesn't give a fat F about you she's like give me that bag you know what I'm saying I've heard so many girls say this and I was like that at one point too I did not care at all I was like you're paying me transaction Keep It Coming whatever your name is Nick whoever I'll say your name just give me the check that's exactly it and then you can create customized content like for them specifically saying their name doing whatever they want you're a puppet you're literally a pimped out puppet and your pimps are your subscribers W woo so give me an idea of like the the type of money initially like that's making you say what the heck is going on like is it like oh you're making a you know a salary at the orthopedic job and then all of a you double yeah so I was making like 3500 a month at the orthopedic job right a month my first month on only fans I made 87 Grand oh my I was like quit are you serious it blew my mind we are not promoting this people not at all there's there's trauma that comes with this okay way more than you can handle so and this is like like how does that does this just goes into your account yes only fans takes a percentage okay and then other people you work with take a percentage off of it because you can't do it by yourself when after you have like a 100,000 subscribers you're not messaging them anymore wow you got people messaging them for you so now you're probably your brain just thinking how can I make more if I made this much that's how can I make more that every month was like how can I top last month that was my brain like I fed off of that thought and your conscious at the time is not like bothered at all I'd say it really started getting bothered when my family found out and how how did they find out so my dad said that someone at his work told him he didn't believe them and then he called me and I was like well yeah I'm not going to lie to you yes I'm doing this my mom found out because she Googled the name Nala and then was like it was so crazy I was at dinner with them and some waiter comes up to me while I'm with my parents and is like are you Nala Reay and my mom's like like what and Googles me and I'm like oh oh wow it was the most embarrassing thing ever but then like my mom like uh cut off contact with me cuz I then moved to California we like didn't speak for like 3 years my dad however was a very different story my dad encouraged me to stay on only fans time out ex Pastor hold on wait a minute rewind the tape what because was he was he burned by the church was he not of course he was he never brought that up really but like for me I was paying him I was giving him money like every month because like you know he's got such a hard life or he's like wants to quit his job or like his other kids need a divorce lawyer or custody over their first child or you know I'm like here here here here every time he called me it was like hey yo I don't want to bother you about this but like I'm like that's tough I'm sorry that's tough It's so tough now and during it I was just like oh at least one person in my family is speaking to me yeah but like now I'm like when I finally decided to follow Christ I called my dad my husband was right next to me and I was like Hey dads I'm getting off of only fans like blah blah blah I was so excited he was like well why don't you just stay on another year and a half and like make more money and you know like settle yourself in because you know it's really expensive right now and I'm like did you really just tell me to stay on only fans like did you really just say that to your daughter did you really just tell me to continue making porn we're going to pray that your transformation encourages dad and he's like wow wow we're going Hey listen if he did it for you he can do it for anybody that's true so we going to pray for that but I'm I'm praying every day man it's so hard so you said you were embarrassed when they found out M were were there any other people that found out and you were like oh my God or was it just P Mom and Dad just Mom and Dad basically like my siblings I didn't really care too too much about like I just wasn't thinking about it you know obviously affected them in some way but like for me I just didn't care those are like my siblings you know what I'm saying like I'm going to do what I want you guys are doing what you want to do you know you guys are already popping out babies with other people like I'm like who are you to judge me you know why did why does Mom say I don't want to have any contact with you anymore like what's the so she just basically the last thing she said to me before I moved to California was like I hope like you're happy in all the choices you make you know and it was such a sarcastic like kind of way and I was like okay sounds like she was shielding herself from hurt absolutely cuz she's like I know I didn't raise you like this I'm like but like how did you raise me then yeah like it's easier to be like I'm not going to deal with this oh yeah than to like deal with the constant pain and reminder of seeing your child go down a dark path fact and I can only imagine I don't have kids so I can only imagine that pain I really I really can't grasp it in my head so like I understand but that disconnect from her and like my family is what threw me into like porn because I was like I got nothing else to lose so eff it I'm out here I was like let's go full send because I'm like I can make more money anyway like this and and nobody seems to care about me anyway I didn't have friends didn't have my family and if I did have my family he's encouraging me to do it so I'm like cool how long were you on only fans five years good God and how much money do you think you made in total 14 million okay I didn't like I gross that I didn't net that kind of thing like I know generated 14 million do you generated like multiple people's lifetime of money I make athletes money that's crazy NFL player over here no I'm just kidding now for the person the person who's watching this or listening to your story and they're like dang I could make that money oh man it comes with the price of your soul come on break it down where does it you're in La you're B wait before I even get to how it breaks down how cuz cuz people never hear the emptiness of it all oh man so talk about just talk about the talk about it talk about first first talk about the highlight real first talk about like living it up oh yeah so I'm living in a $3.4 million house alone so my rent was like 16k a month I was driving a Porsche had super crazy designer bags like I went to other places in the world to go buy my designer bags so like one of a kind or one of this or and I had my closet every room in my six-bedroom home was stuffed full of clothes all my clothes like had it all had a wicked gaming setup because I I love playing Call of Duty you know shout out to Cod people shout out please sponsor me but but um had it all like I had my two dogs I was chilling I was single like making millions like it just didn't feel like they call California La La Land for a reason you are stuck in a cloud of just like not even knowing what day it is I smoked a lot of weed every day was high you know I never got into drinking but I was so high every day you think you needed to do that to like shut your conscience down from to be numb I felt a lot of things but I needed to be numb to focus on my work wow you know and it did I started taking ader all for a while and smoking weed just like get this a little more of a high had to stop taking that cuz my heart rate was too fast you know felt like I was going to have a heart attack but you got essentially no family no family no friends cuz everyone in California is fake right there's no one who's there who's like your in the industry no not at all like they're all like oh hi like oh my God you're like okay and I just spent almost every day like inside my house like just making content you know I never got sick of it I was just at home I learned um I started taking martial arts um did fight scenes I learned bow Staffing nunchucks Samurai stuff like I had all the time and money to do just cool stuff and started taking Japanese and I was just like oh man like this is I'm living the life I can pay for all of my hobbies like and I get to stay at home and it was just it felt good but again I was so calloused over like you couldn't say anything that would hurt my feelings yeah I was so high like so I didn't care you couldn't even tap into your emotions not in the least bit I didn't cry I swear for like 2 years like didn't feel anything like I felt a lot of rage that's why I started boxing you know and like just getting into like all these physical stuff like I hit the gym so hard like and I just I wanted I had like anger but not like feelings you know I wasn't happy I was just like mellow mow there's a book I read called the body keeps the score cuz I was very similar right and it's like I went through all this trauma but I was pretty callous and the body keeps the score is a book where it talks about like no matter what you went through your body you may feel like oh that was the past I got over it but your body's like we never did your soul never did yeah I like it's still inside your nervous system your soul it's like it's still there as if it happened yesterday right your brain can push things it really does a great job of that to like protect you sure but like your heart oh all of it you have soul ties everywhere like strung out so what like where when are you starting to realize because it's got to be hard to be wealthy you know fake popular to realize like I'm empty when did you start to realize like wait a minute this is not I don't something's not right you what's crazy I didn't realize it until I met my now feature H or my now husband we met on Tik Tok I was not feeling anything you know up until this we met on Tik Tok he was live battling you I was like oh this guy's cool he's got his whole body armor on because he's like ex Air Force you know has live battling yeah what do you mean so like on you can go Tik Tok live where it's just a screen of you but then when you battle it splits the screen between two creators and you battle to make the most coins but he was dressed up for the battle he had a solid bulletproof helmet on with nods he had uh level five plated vests on I was like who is this like and obviously I thought he's cute but I was like I I went in there and gifted him we won the battle and I was like oh that's cool little rush for me cuz like I like to win obviously and he went off he like threw his chair he was just like screaming my name and I felt like oh I was like oh yay we won you know and it just gave me this rush and whatever like that wasn't the big deal he sent me his his work number and I was like what am I going to give your work number like I don't want to talk to you like I was just in there for the win you know what I'm saying I ignored him and then I saw his live again the next day made him win again and he facetimes me and I was like why is this boy FaceTiming me like I got freaked out wa how did he get your number um I texted it to him but he was like FaceTime me and I just didn't and I I gave him my number and he starts FaceTiming me and I'm like why is this boy FaceTiming me right now like I'm literally bow Staffing right now like leave me alone like and then we just got into this crazy deep conversation we stayed up for like seven hours talking to each other and I was like oh this guy's hurt like this guy's going through some stuff like he had been through a previous relationship and just where he was in life he he was just a little hurt I could tell that and I like I saw that emotion and I was like oh have that I don't have that I feel like I was curious as like what he was feeling no one in La ever about the real stuff they're never going to open up to you about what's really going on everything's just great everything's just great and it's like reality hit and I was like so intrigued by this I was like I got to know him better like what he's going through we sit up for 7 hours on FaceTime just talking asking each other the deepest questions about our our lives and I up until then no one up until then you were just objectified very no one cared about the real no one cared he had no idea who I was cuz again he was not on that side of the internet he's like a Christian he just saw cont Creator cont as a person on Tik Tok yeah he was like oh dang she's got a really big following you know cool but like he didn't care at all like he didn't even ask me what I did and I was like in love with that I was like someone knew you for me I'm seen made me blush so when we just kept talking became best friends like nothing sexual like obviously like he's goodlooking and he knows I'm good-looking but it was so far past that like for him he got to open up to somebody who he doesn't know and he thought he was I was like really cool like I'm a country girl at heart like I can talk really deep you know I love Hunting Fishing like all this cool stuff and he is from the sticks so like we just bonded over that but like also I I felt very comfortable opening up about my feelings and like what I was going through I right off the bat was like you know I'm on only fans right he was like what what's only fans and I was like all right well let me tell you and you don't have to be my friend after this but he was like I don't care like just completely did not mind obviously like questions started to happen later on like he he became curious cuz he started seeing my content that was very promiscuous and the one thing about that Jordan is what he did differently with me was like he started sending me Bible verses like with just text text me Bible verses um send me Christian content and I was like bro like come on like you think I'm going to watch this you know what I'm saying like but then he like outright one day sent me a like video being like I know you may not want to hear this but like God loves you so much and you are so worth it like what you're doing is not right and like called me out called my sin out I got so defend ensive I was like I'm ready to stop being your friend right now like I'm like how dare you judge me that's what I felt like it was but it wasn't he was not judging me in the least bit he was like loving me and I was like I understand that now but man back in December I did not get that I was like dang cuz we met in uh late September we became boyfriend and girlfriend in January but he would not date me until I gave my life to Christ but that he's dating oh he like like Lord what you've done for them do for me no facts but he prayed for me all the time he'd send me voice notes of him praying for me and I just didn't even know what to do with that but let me tell you like the one night God met me where I was he was just always there but I met him like truly was Jordan was upstairs falling asleep on FaceTime and it was like 2: in the morning and I just felt weird like my emotions were stirring but I couldn't like explain it and I I walked downstairs just by myself and for some reason I had gotten my Bible out of the cabinet in my living room and set it up because I'm sure I needed something in that but I set it up on the counter it was like right in my view and I just started crying for some reason and I was like oh my gosh like what's going on I freaked out and I was like sitting down looking at my fireplace looked over at my Bible went and picked up my Bible didn't read anything but I was just flipping through it cuz I had highlighted so much stuff in there my past and I was like man God I used to know you like I used to know about you you know and I just started praying I told God so honestly what I was feeling I was like God nothing is filling this void I feel nothing like nothing's working like everything I'm trying is failing it's all slipping through my fingers like sand like I don't know what to do I don't know what you want me to do like need to tell me what I need to do because I don't know and I was so open and honest with God and that's all God wants it's just your honesty he doesn't need you to come to him clean he needs you as you are hon now what what do you think cuz you're talking to God obviously Jordan's planting seeds y you already have some seeds planted from childhood uhhuh but what do you think when when you're saying you're coming to God saying I feel empty or I feel this way like what when are you realizing it are you did you already know you felt like this or or is it like hanging out with Jordan and hearing the pain and sharing the stories was helping you come to the realization help me definitely talking with him and just being real with a person who wasn't judging me like he didn't care what I had to say he was there to listen and I was like dang and then he would reciprocate with just being open and honest with his life and I loved that I was like I can trust you and I don't trust anybody like especially California you don't trust nobody like I barely trust myself you know so but like this moment happened with God where like I really can't clearly think of a time where I've ever heard God's voice so this was that moment I was sitting down in my living room sobbing I don't know why I'm crying and I'm like God you need to tell me something right now like demanding it I was like you got to and he just said I was all you ever needed that was it and it answered all of my question questions like why does these bags not make me feel good why does my Porsche not make me feel like great and like why do I feel empty he was all I ever needed and I'm all I'm doing is filling it with materialistic stuff on top of all this money wow and I'm alone because of it who who is Jesus to you before all of that and who is he at that moment like a Genie in a Bottle okay like when I was like more so like a young young teenager I'd be like oh God get me out of this situation right now my parents are mad at me like I don't know what to do you know but that was it I never had a relationship with Christ ever you know it was only praying to God when I needed to get out of a situation like I was cheating in school I needed to get out of that like situation because they're calling my parents and I got to go to detention like God give me out of this like make this not happen kind of thing just like a genie like don't know at all who he is really and then now Jesus is man like my even saying he's my everything is not enough like that's how I feel like my soul needs him like I've never been a reader until I became a Christian like I can't get enough like the Bible's not enough for me like I read my Bible and I'm like okay so what's next so I pick up a book from John bav uh the awe of God uh the Holy Spirit by John bav uh driven by eternity I love uh Soul Care um The Power of a Praying Wife like I started consuming Christian content well what you're doing is funny I went through the same thing I didn't grow up in a Christian household but I had a radical transformation and what we're doing is we're literally trying to change our mental Maps cuz we like have thought one way for so long so and you're like I got to change the way I think about everything what what is this what is that and I'm C so how how fast did you get married so fast so we met in late September we started dating in January we were married in March January February March so September October November December January February March so in seven months y'all are married I Hey listen I got married in mommy said we dated for four four months we were engaged for six no Mar dated six months andag so 10 months so I get the quickness yes well when you know you know yes like we did not believe in like you know like just dating for a long time cuz there's so much Temptation in that especially for someone like me and he's a male so like we're both Attractive people like we're like no no no no if God's called us to get married we're going to get married we're not going to wait one more day like we're not falling into that sin trap like I we got to do things right like we know we love each other like this man led me to Christ he was he was the only person there at my baptism like saying how proud he was of me and we weren't even dating like hugging me when I'm drenched crying my makeup off like and he's just there for me fully you know but he had great standards there to begin with which I encouraged all men to have with finding a pure woman not that I was pure but you know what I'm saying like finding a woman you need to be prudent in that like you need to have those standards she's not supposed to be making up those standards you are you know and he did he kept those standards solid like and I didn't a lot of people even ask me like didn't you just follow Christ to get married I was like absolutely not I didn't know if we were even going to get married I didn't even know if we were going to date like we weren't dating we were just best friends we kind of liked each other but I was like such in a crazy lifestyle changeed that I wasn't even like worried about that I was like hold on there's some stuff going on with me I got to deal with and at one point I tried to push him away CU I was so scared I was like there's so much going on with me right now I don't know if we can even you know even be friends right now like but God had different plans and he put him in my life literally to help me come closer to Christ and you know once he saw that I was so genuine in it too like he didn't want to just be like he didn't want to just see that I got saved I got baptized he wanted to literally hear me say I'm deleting only fans and I did I was like dude I'm getting off that's where I was going to go is like is the like some people have like you know these radical Transformations some people have like like a process like you know what I mean I think when you look in the Bible you see people their their lifestyle or their action or whatever they're involved in can change overnight right like oh I was a slave and now I'm free yeah but generally it takes a while for character stuff to start changing um was there anything for you that was like I don't know if I want to delete this or yes okay so oh man I went through all those feelings I was scared like it's pure fear at that point you're like yes I just made a huge decision to follow Christ you know I'm a baby baby Christian like I'm just now digging into the Bible a little bit I'm learning how to pray you know so I'm like okay like but I felt so much conviction over not just the only fans the way I spoke my perverted tongue cussing modesty like who I had in my life and smoking all the time smoking I had to quit smoking weed I was like dude I'm not being sober minded like I can't even think straight right now that was a process too but like you know making this decision was like such a big deal because that door of Darkness was still open anything could have come through it it could have destroyed our relationship like the money didn't matter anymore it wasn't about that you know like if you trust in God he will provide but you do need to give up this stuff of the world so that you can follow him like God says pick up your cross and follow me that cross is not light yeah you know wof it's hard it is it was like I want to say one of the hardest decisions of my life because I'm saying goodbye to my Financial Freedom I'm saying goodbye to like security like I've been my own boss for like six years now and I'm comfortable I didn't even think I needed a man I'm like I'm cool with it if I don't ever have one you know like I don't need a provider I am the provider and were you spending it as fast as you were getting it at that point in time so it wasn't like okay here's my uh long-term future plan here's well I was kind of smart with my money I started like a brokerage account Ira so I did throw money into good stuff too but like another thing I I do want to address with people there are like so many people come at me and be like you know if you really changed you would have literally donated that 14 million to charity I'm like number one I did not make 14 million I made only fans 14 million so like you gross 14 million dude they take 50% of what you make and I have to pay taxes on the whole of it they don't know about their taxes that's what in California oh my God my first year paying taxes just state taxes alone in California was 70 racks I was like yeah why am I living here that's what I'm saying people don't know about that boy but like I'm saying also God did not call me to give up my funds if he did there you go because he would provide he is the provider sure I never felt called to do that I felt called to get off of only fans and stop making that money not to give up my entire life you know I sold all my designer things I gave up my Porsche I drive a Jeep now like dude minimalistic life is great it really is it teaches me a lot and I'm very humbled by it so it's not like I didn't like my thing is just like dude I grew up poor I got really rich and now I'm you know middle class again so it's like I don't know and I see plenty of examples I mean if you even look at Joseph in the Bible who went through hell in high water thrown in prison then he ends up working for Pharaoh making tons of money for pharaoh and Pharaoh is not like a good guy no but you're making all your money off the back of pharaoh but he uses his money to help his family his brothers someone and so forth so it's not like he's like oh I can't do I'm out of this job I'm not working this not pure money yeah I I get what your where you're coming from but you you did address like people do you face a lot of backlash and people saying like you're fake or so much just if you go on any one of my social media platforms there's hundreds of thousands of comments about people thinking I'm fake and I'm like I love that we dug into like the Deep of it you know what I'm saying because there like this story built a really long time ago it didn't just me pop on the only fans I just happened to become super popular I was dedicated toward a cause that I fell in love with because that's all I had to love you know because I wasn't being loved you know so I was like all right bet it's not that God didn't love me I just didn't know God loved me you know and you and you and you you found love true love yeah you found the real love at at the end of the day so what would you say to either people who are on only fans currently or people who are thinking about it like what would you like what would you how what would you advise or or talk to them about it's wow like obviously I could just say don't but like it doesn't even give a depth to what you pay for in price like it's not just your soul man you pay for it in your thoughts you pay for it in your body like you are a slave and you don't even think you are like now that I'm out of it completely I'm like I was literally hundreds of thousands of people slaves wow like that's what I felt like this what I feel like during it didn't feel so bad didn't look at it like that and during it I was like I'm the boss I'm like no you're not you're really not so if you want to pay that price like that's your choice I'm not here to tell you to do whatever you want with your life but like you need to make the decision very carefully because there is a price to pay even though you're making money man the devil can give you things too well that's the thing is like like he can give you things to stay away from God and that's exactly what he gave me he gave me an option to not follow Christ yep and we're all slaves in that regardes when we're when we're when we're not free in Christ we're a slave to Satan and and that's the thing is I love your story because what it it expresses is that like Satan always shows you like the bait oh yeah without the hooks that are going to be stuck in your mouth for and then you can't get it out like you on your own cannot get it out God got to get that out for you and you know the devil's not going to take it out right and some of us Escape like yourself the hooks and you got to do some therapy to deal with some of the the but some of us escape and lose limbs and lose pieces of ourselves and and I don't want that for anybody else either it's like hey man you know God it's like you almost can't get that back yeah like that part of you that is now completely ripped off it ain't coming back it's not growing back deal with it that it's gone walk with the Lord and know that man that was the cost of doing business with the devil when you think about how heavy that is like the cost of something like porn is literally like you pay for it with your soul yeah I I'm I'm super encouraged like I just feel like you know you you you dealt with a lot growing up and number one I praise God that someone who went through everything that you experienced is able to come out on the other side you know cuz that little girl who went through all that trauma and experienc all those things like there's a lot of knows out there oh yeah who who are like there a lot of La out there right well where's where's my love where's the love I I never saw it in the right way and um I hope your story just encourages people to say oh there's more I just hope it encourages people to really believe in God's love because that's what saved me feeling True Love by my Creator like I wasn't a mistake and I finally felt that I was like awesome I have a purpose it's not to make money and it's not to selfs serve it's not to buy this new Gucci bag on the Shelf it's not to travel the world it is to serve and fear God that's good my Creator who I will spend eternity with in heaven like oh what a temporary residence like I feel like I'm renting from this world you know it's a even the Bible talks about it being your temporary home like why would you why would you want to be famous in a temporary place I'd rather be that in eternity man like even if I'm a toilet scrubber in heaven I'll be like thank you I'm in heaven I'm in like I'll take it any day like I just want to be here I just want to touch you I just want to see you like but I highly encourage anyone who is like I have a lot of people who ask me like how did you get stronger in the Lord I'm like man oh man I prayed I asked the Holy Spirit and you know what I found so crazy after I started reading I found out more like reading the Holy Spirit book taught me more about who the Holy Spirit was he's not just like this floating cloud man like dude he's here for you because God's in heaven Jesus is in heaven they sent the Holy Spirit to be with you here like my communion with the Holy Spirit has gotten so firm and then like the awe of God's teaching me to like you know sit alone Be In God's Presence like you're just I'm like learning so much about God and I feel like I'm still thirsty and that's what's so great about it I'm like you guys got to keep that thirst for Christ like don't let it go dry like Keep It Coming keep it coming so if I can encourage anybody out there like just keep getting to know God in more ways than one you don't just need to read your Bible you don't just need to pray you need to like worship read about him sing about him like sometimes I just like making up my own worship songs in the shower just like singing what's in my heart about God doesn't sound good but you know what I'm saying like he's like oh yeah let's go it sounds good to him what I love Nala is first of all this is this conversation is phenomenal it was so good doesn't even feel like a podcast feels like a living room chat and that's because it's just authenticity man and that's what you bring but what I love is I think a lot of times in this conversation really made me feel that to a different degree but a lot of times I think people are waiting for like this big Christian figure to like turn the wheel and change the world uhhuh and I really believe God is saying no it's going to be little people everywhere in all these little departments just turning the wheel y you know what I mean like mine was the porn industry you know other people are like man rappers like uh actors like every industry and not even you don't even need to be a big person like you're changing your life in your little Community that's right like you're are changing you are planting seeds we are Harvesters now you know we're not the seeds anymore we are literally harvesting so like you know you can't help that sometimes it falls on deaf ears or like haters ears you know what I'm saying he it takes time but the seeds get planted and I've seen it and uh I love what I'm seeing and man I'll be praying for you I'll be praying for you and Jordan I love it I can't thank you enough thank you so much so dope man so blessed man I really feel like the Holy Spirit was like here I feel so like at peace in my heart right now facts facts woo
Related Books
Browse Conservative Books
