Lisa Bevere and Nala Ray Discuss Leaving OnlyFans, Finding Jesus, and Overcoming Religious Judgment

I was in complete revolt. Like my demons were roaring at that point. I was so upset that someone had confronted me. I'm like, do you know who I am? Like I have power. I have money. I can do anything that I want. One day I was randomly approached on the internet by this man who is recruiting for Only Fans. My first month I made like $87,000. I started doing more and more and more and it was such a slippery slope. >> I want you to know I probably understand more than most people. Every moral I ever had, I'd compromise. >> At some point, you feel like what you you're doing is wrong, but you're just kind of stuck now. >> And then, how did you escape? It's so hard to even describe my circumstances at where God found me. It was terrible. >> I was wondering what kind of backlash you were getting from the church. I've had people talk so hatefully about my husband and I. And a lot of people still to this day love to say that I'm pretending. I'm grifting. I'm not modest. >> She literally sells you courses right now. Got to keep those monthly subscriptions coming in. >> There is nothing meaner than a religious spirit. It was a religious spirit that put Jesus on the cross. They can't believe somebody like me could be saved. And yet, welcome to the Lisa Bevere podcast. You do not want to miss a thing. Go ahead and hit the subscribe button because we are just going to dive right in. Today we're going to be sharing the power of God's word, the power of God's love. Today, I'm going to be talking with Nala, who was an Only's fan and now she is a follower of Jesus Christ. And I love that so very, very much. I know somebody in my audience because I have predominantly women >> may have no idea what Only Fans is or >> of your story. And so I want you to share your testimony. I want you to share a little bit of who you were growing up >> because you were a pastor's daughter. >> I was uh for quite a long time. Not like my entire life. My family didn't start becoming religious until my parents remarried uh the first time. >> Did your parents divorce and remarry each other? My parents did that. >> Yeah. Well, now it's kind of different. Now my parents are divorced again. >> My parents did that, too. >> Okay. So, I'm not the only one here who feels really weirded out by that. >> Very divorced again. Yes. >> So, yeah. Um, my after my dad came back into my family, um, he just decided that my family needed to be in church. So, we started going to a church and it was a Baptist church. And then I don't know where along the way my dad said that he felt the calling to become a pastor. And so that kind of ripped us away from the Baptist church that we were originally at because the pastor there um would not give my my dad like an opportunity to preach at that church. Okay. >> So he decided to uproot us and then uh we moved. So we moved to Florida where my dad prominently started pastoring and preaching uh and also in Illinois. Um and then we went through multiple church splits like three at within it just felt like a year. That's a lot. It was a lot. And for a kid like constantly making friends at churches and then being uprooted again, it was just really difficult because, you know, as part of your family, you want to defend your family, you know, and stand up for them. Even though you I had no idea what was actually going on behind the scenes, I just knew that, oh, hey, we're we don't belong here anymore and we got to move. So, it was just constant uprooting with my family. And there's uh we're a family of seven. So, um, yeah, after that, after I became a teenager, I really just went down a bad path of being very rebellious. I didn't do well in school. Um, something kind of tragic happened to me when I was 13. And then it just felt like my life was in shambles. I was being so guarded heavily by my parents, like being homeschooled and then just going to church all the time. I was just so angry at life. And um later on I just told myself like as soon as I can, as soon as I have the money, I'm moving out. Like I can't wait to move out to escape. >> Oh yeah, absolutely. I just felt like my parents didn't understand me. They were going through a lot. My mom never healed from traumas. My dad never healed from traumas and they just I felt like they took it out on their children, you know, and that we were just supposed to be this great looking face for the church and we were so broken inside. So, um, it just led me to make very bad decisions when I was a teenager, like sneaking out of my house, meeting up with random men, just like and I didn't care about my safety at all, you know, that was pretty clear, sneaking out of my window at 3:00 a.m. Um, and then when I became 18, right after that, I moved out. I I did what I said I was going to do, and I ended up moving to Cincinnati. I got engaged and then I broke off the engagement because we were just I knew that I wasn't in love with him. So, I broke off the engagement shortly after I got my apartment, moved back to Florida, and then uh one day I was randomly approached on the internet by this man who was recruiting for Only Fans. Now, if you don't know what Only Fans is, in a nutshell, it is just a subscription-based website behind a payw wall. So, you know, if you want anything like what Only Fans what what I think they would have loved it to be was like fitness classes, therapeutic classes, like a place where people can actually learn from other people like cooking classes, uh stuff like that. And it very quickly became the opposite of that and became a full porn website, you know, where people are only paying for that on there. >> There is no cooking classes on Only Fans. So, he approached me and at the time Only Fans wasn't that big. I'd never heard of it before. And he just basically said, "Hey, you're going to make so much money if you sign up on this and you don't have to show that much skin." Basically, you could probably get away with just posting bikini photos and a little bit more maybe. And I said, "Okay." And I was working a full-time job in orthopedics at the time, not making much money at all, barely enough to survive paying my rent. And then I signed up. And then in my first month, I worked so hard. I made like $87,000 >> which was probably more than you were making in a year. >> Oh my. I was making like 35,000 a year at my job. So I just like basically doubled what I was making and um quit my regular 9to-5 and gave everything to Only Fans. And then month by month I started doing more and more and more and it was such a slippery slope. I compromised in every possible way of the word. So, I just continued to go down the rabbit hole. Once my parents had found out what I was doing, my mom had kind of just disowned me. She and I didn't talk for about four years. I didn't have any communication with my brother or sisters. And it was just my dad, you know, talking to me. And he like he wasn't a pastor at the time, which a lot of people like to believe, but he wasn't. And they just uh well, basically he just said that like, "Hey, if I was your age, I'd be doing the same thing." So, >> oh, you did not get taught that at seminary. I don't know where he got that idea. >> I don't either. Uh, he was never like taught how to be a pastor. I guess he just felt this self >> calling to be one. Um, but then, you know, into my career, right after my parents >> So, how many years were you involved in Only Fans? >> Five years. >> Oh, five years. Wow. >> Five years. Wow. Starting when I was like 20, 20 years old. Yeah. >> Wow. So, Okay. >> Yeah. It's a long time. >> Yeah. So, here you are. You're kind of trapped. >> Mhm. >> And And then how did you escape? >> Um, one night I was scrolling on TikTok and I was like I was living in this like $4.3 million home. I owned a Porsche. Like I had so many designer bags. Like just to give you the picture of wealth that was surrounding me. Um, but I was all alone. I didn't have anybody living with me. I didn't have a boyfriend. Um, I was just really alone. And my dad at the time was very much so using me for money. So every time he called, make up a Saab story and I just send him money, you know. And so I just felt super alone. And I was scrolling on TikTok one night and I saw this guy named Jordan Girardano and he was dressed up in >> Sounds Italian. >> Yeah, I think he's a little Italian. But um so yeah, we uh started talking through the app and uh I don't know who gave who uh their phone number, but we started FaceTiming. One night he just called me and we spent like eight hours on FaceTime just talking. And I was like so relieved to be able to just talk to somebody who was like a real person who wasn't in my industry, you know? Everybody in my industry was just so warped, you know, like like everybody in that industry just justifies their own sin. Like everything you're doing is fine. And you know, at some point it it's not okay. You know, you you feel like what you you're doing is wrong, but you're just kind of stuck now in it. You've made this choices you're making and people make fun of you and say, "Oh, you'll never get a real job after this." So, you really feel trapped. You're like, "Well, I've already started. I've already done all this bad stuff. I have nothing else to do, you know? So, and him and I started talking and Jordan uh loved God so much. Like that's all that like oozed out of every pore of him was just Christ. And he was so different from like the religious people I've encountered in the past. So different. Never brought up religion at all. He went to like a non-denominational church and just talked so highly about the one who saved his life. Yeah. You know, from potential suicide, from alcohol abuse, you know, God had really saved him and stepped into his life. And he was able to talk to me about those harsh encounters he's had, you know, with God convicting him of his sins. And he just one day in December told me like, "Hey, you know, like God has so much of a bigger plan for your life and what you're doing isn't it." You know, nobody had stood up to me like that. >> So, you had told him what you were doing. >> Oh, yeah. I told him super early on because I was feeling like, hey, you know, he's going to find out number one. And two, yeah, you need to know because if I'm going to lose you, I'd rather lose you early on than later on, you know, >> before I give away too much of my heart. >> Exactly. Exactly. And we just became best friends. So then in December after he had sent me that message, I was in complete revolt. Like my demons were roaring at that point. And I was so upset that someone had confronted me. I'm like, do you know who I am? Like I have power. I have money. I can do anything that I want. And you are you have the balls to tell me that? You know, I'm also Italian, so I'm extremely spicy. So, >> I kind of started to pick that up. >> So, uh yeah. And then um in early January or end of December, that's when I had this crazy encounter with God in my living room at like 1:00 a.m. where I just heard God tell me like openly so verbal that like he was all I ever needed out of all the fame, all the power, all the money, he was all I needed to be searching for. And it just struck me so hard. So out of five years of like smoking weed and drinking and doing other drugs, I was like free and I was like, "Wow." I didn't get saved in that moment, but I called Jordan the next morning. He flew out from Virginia and took me to church where that's when I got saved and baptized that Sunday. And then very shortly after, like a week after, I deleted my Only Fans. >> Wow. >> And just gave it all up. I like threw away half my closet of promiscuous clothing. Id stopped smoking weed after seven years of addiction. Just stopped. Um, >> and then just my life changed. I know it sounds like so simplified the way I speak it, but it wasn't. It was so hard to give up a lifestyle of making that much money and uh drug abuse and being numbed all the time by weed and having so many people look up to you kind of in a way, you know, because I was like a top top model, you know, everybody wanted to work with me. Everybody wanted to do a podcast with me. And for me, I was like, you know, at this point, I don't care if God decides to like take my entire platform away. I don't care anymore. He's got something better for me to do. So, I don't know. It just after that, my story blew up. People continued to ask me to be on podcasts and I was not praying for that. I'm not a great public speaker, I feel. So, I was not I was terrified, you know, I was terrified of the backlash I would get. It was so it was so much backlash by Christians and then people from my industry >> with so many questions about the quality of meat, what's in the meat right now. One of the most comforting thing is showing up for my family by giving them good healthy American sourced beef. Good ranchers, they take all the pressure off and they deliver quality right to your home. American source straight to your door. So you can be confident that you are serving your family what is simple, what is healthy, and here's the here's the whole thing about it. It is all American sourced with so many things to worry about. I do not have to worry about what I'm feeding my family with the box I get once a month. Goodranchers.com. It is 100% American and there is absolutely none of those sneaky additives. And right now there is a spring into action offer. Free bacon, free ground beef. 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Wow. >> Um, and John invited me to a Bible study picnic and all I heard was free food. So I was like, "Okay, I'll go there and then I'll go party afterwards." And so I'm like, "Wait a minute. What's just happened? People are in a circle. They're singing. Some people are raising their hands." I'm like, "Do they have a question? Like, what is wrong with these people? They have a song sheet. I don't know what's going on." >> And I was raised Catholic. And so it was very confusing to me because you're kind of quiet in the Catholic church. You're not loud. And I read this one line from one song when it said, "When God looked at me, he would no longer see me, but he would see Jesus." >> It was a song called Robes of Righteousness. And I heard the Holy Spirit say, "You are covered in sin and shame. >> You need the covering of my son." And I I elbowed John. We weren't we weren't dating. He just invited me to this Bible state picnic. I said, "Is this true that God could ever look at me and not see me?" And John was like, "Yeah." So, we went walking on the campus that night and I interrupt him. I said, 'I want to do this Christian thing. I don't know what we need to do. Do we need to like light candles? Like, what needs to happen? And I said, 'I want to do this thing right now. And so, on my first date with John, I got born again. And he said, now you're saved. And I said, what does that even mean? I mean, I had no Christian frame of reference. And he said, it means you're whole again, spirit, soul, and body. And he had no idea that he was talking to a young girl who had an eating disorder who was so sexually broken, you know, mentally broken. But the only thing I brought up was I said, "So you're saying I can have cheese now?" And he's like, "What?" And I said, "I have lactose intolerance, so I can have cheese now that I'm a Christian." He's like, "Oh my gosh." So he grabbed my hand. He was like, "God, I think you can save this heathen. You can basically heal her." And I felt the love of God come into my stomach and untie all the knots that had been there since I was 15. And I I knew I was healed. And I I experienced a love like I had never experienced. And I remember feeling like a hundred pounds came off of my shoulders. And I went back to my my college dorm room and I was like, "Jesus, >> I need you to stay in the hallway. I got some trash in here." And I like took out all the alcohol. I took out all the porn out. Nobody told me to do that. All the porn out. And I threw it away and I was like, "Now you can come in." And then I spent about an hour and a half looking for the book of Paul because John had said Paul said this and Paul said that and I had no idea that there was a book of Paul. So I was radically saved from a very dark past >> and um I remember experiencing so much freedom and not judgment from God. >> No, I mean I was aware >> so much. >> Yeah. I was aware of shame when I was in sin, >> but I mean, do you think about all that money you were making >> and yet you had to smoke, >> you had to use drugs, you had to drink to get some kind of peace in your life, >> you know, >> just not to think, you know, cuz I was alone so much. When you're alone, you're alone with your thoughts and I didn't want to think. >> That was that was my turning point. I drove back from the University of Arizona, where I went to school, which is a party school, to Indiana, my little hometown Indiana girl, listening to AC/DC, yelling at the top of my lungs, I'm on the highway to hell, and I realized, yes, you are. You are at a straight to hell. And I was alone in the car, and I thought, I do not even like me. I don't even like me. So, um, I want you to know that I understand. And um and I hope people on I hope people are hearing that no matter how many designer purses, how many people admired you, how much clothing, how big your house was, there is a void that cannot be filled. >> It won't be and it'll continue to get bigger. Yeah, >> that's that was my issue throughout the five years. That void kept getting bigger and there my bag collection grew, my house got bigger, my car went faster. You know what I'm saying? it like I upgraded and yet the hole continued to get bigger. Yeah. >> And it just took one person, one person to plant a seed, you know, because religion did nothing. I was very angry at the church. Super angry. I didn't understand it. I was like, "This can't be God because it doesn't feel free. It felt like a cage." And I felt like I was in a cage most of my young life, you know. And then I was like, once I'm out, I'm out. I'm done. I don't have to do this Jesus thing anymore. I don't have to go to I don't have to step foot in one more church. I was so excited about that because I was like, this church thing is horrible. It's absolutely horrible. And then I've really gotten to see the other side of it where me becoming a Christian now, there's this that religious mindset has stirred because they can't believe somebody like me could be saved. And yet, if they actually read the Bible, they'd see that my story isn't that uncommon. >> Nala, I've actually heard ministers say, "If a woman comes into my church and she is not dressed modestly, I am sending her out so she doesn't corrupt the other women of the church." What do you think about that? Well, number one, the face, >> if if a woman dressed promiscuously can come in and so easily corrupt the women in the church, then I'd be more concerned about what you're preaching and teaching to those women if they're so easily corrupted, you know? And why weren't the men in a factor in that either? You know what I'm saying? Why wouldn't the men be affected by that? >> Because men are holy and women are factors. I don't know if you know that. >> Um, but for me, again, if Jesus has come as you are, then it doesn't matter what your church atmosphere looks like. I mean, I've been in churches where it feels like you can't wear anything less than a dress at. And we left that church. There was no time for, you know, groups or, you know, trying to become friends with anyone. It was in and out. You know, you better look good. You better look like Easter good and get out. You know, that's exactly what it felt like. And being a young Christian, that deterred my husband and I a little bit. So, you know, if you're wanting to grow your congregation, you need to be in it for that one person that might stink like a homeless person. You know what I'm saying? Like, it doesn't corrupt anything. In fact, I think that Jesus would be so happy for that one person to just hear about him. You know, Christians, I I think that they don't like to get out of their little bubbles because it's uncomfortable. The one thing that Jordan, my husband, uh, encountered from a Christian group of people who are on the internet prominently was that when Jordan came to see me in California, we posted a funny video together. And they called him, the owner of this company called him and was like, "It's not a good look for you to be posting with her. Like, do you know who she is? Do you know what she does for a living?" And he was like, "Screw you guys." Like, I'm in it for that one person, you know, that lost person. So, I feel like Christians need to be outside of their comfort zone instead of in their little Christian bubbles all the time. >> Yeah. Yeah. But I don't feel like we need to compromise what we preach. >> I I feel like uh you know, John preaches very strong messages, >> but he's not a harsh person. >> So, he preaches God's word and he lets God's word do the work rather than thinking that he is the judge and the administrator of what how God wants it done. Right? So I do I do feel like we have a lot of compromise preached in the church. I agree. >> And I don't think I don't think the Gen Z's and the Gen Alpha want to hear compromise. I think they really want to actually be invited in a consecration. >> Wow. >> I do feel like our generation is searching for something. I feel it, you know, with everyone you speak to. There's such a loss of identity and everybody wants to be found, you know, but they end up finding their identities in, you know, homosexuality or drugs or alcohol or permiscuity. That's who they end up identifying themselves at. But, you know, if the word of God being spoken to you is kind of like, whoa, that's kind of harsh. It's because the word is a is a sword. >> Yeah. >> You know, a sword isn't I heard this preached one time and I was so like, yes, I love this. Is that, you know, if the word of God is a sword, it's going to cut >> Yeah. you know between bone and marrow. It hurts but it will sanctify you. You know it will help you grow into like the identity that God is calling you to be at. So I am still learning and I will learn the rest of my life. I do not know it all. There are people who have to correct me lovingly and I love that. I never want that to stop because if if I'm if I feel like I'm good now, like I'm saved, you know, I deleted my only stuck. I will be stuck and I'm not here to be stuck anymore. I want to grow. So, I feel like taking criticism, not even criticism, but just loving words from people who do know Christ, you know, my mother-in-law was one of those people. She had to correct me lovingly about what my my outfits because at that point, I'd come out of like 10 years of being promiscuous. So, what do I know about modesty? So, she so lovingly took me like alone and just, you know, guided me on that modesty. So, I feel like it's, you know, don't don't get like misconstrued about some people who might come up to you and just mention things to you like that. That is something that will help you along the way. And then I've been able to share with other girls who, you know, I've met like, hey, listen, you know, this one lady came up to me one time and corrected me about how I was dressing and it really helped me. Let me share it with you. >> Yeah. But she did it from the right motive. She did. >> Sometimes people just want to shame people. >> That's very factual. That's very factual and there's like a it's just such a dividing line there. You know, not everybody has good motives >> and not everybody should have a voice into your life. >> That's true. >> You know, we we need to have people who are true mothers in the house >> who truly love, not that are just resentful, right? Resentful or angry. I don't I don't even like having to say this being >> that I love the church of Jesus Christ. I love it. But there is nothing meaner than a religious spirit. and is was was a religious spirit that put Jesus on the cross. Amen. And so when I've been attacked by somebody with a religious spirit, it is the meanest, crulest thing I've ever gone through. And I'm so sorry. I was wondering what kind of backlash you were getting from the church. Yes. >> So much. I'm so sorry. >> I've had people talk so hatefully about my husband and I. Um which was a good lesson to me. Uh for one, praying for your enemies. >> Yeah. Um, it really does help. It's like, and I've even been mocked because I say that, you know, like, oh, they're praying for me. Haha, that's funny. Like, I don't want your prayers. But it's it's helped me see that they haven't >> experienced the love of God that I have. Because if you had, it would change you. Like, it changed me. Like, if I just, man, it's so hard to even describe my circumstances at where God found me. It was terrible. I was so hurt and broken. I've had so much trauma in my past. Not even from Only Fans, but my family has been through so much trauma. And then up until recently, uh, my brother passed away. >> I'm sorry. >> And so, it's okay. Um, but it just, you know, I just, I don't know. I wish people I really wish people would change, you know. I wish they would just ask God to humble their hearts enough to see the light, you know, to see how much darkness you're actually in. Because that that verse really scared me where it talks about like, you know, they'll they'll come to me and say like, "Lord, Lord, you know, and I never knew you." I pray all the time, God, you know me, right? Like we're good, right? >> Just make sure, >> please. >> No. And I I mean I don't I don't think salvation is a hard thing to lose. I mean I I mean it's not like oh my goodness I tripped. I cussed. I just lost my salvation, right? >> Um because I do feel like that's legalism >> where it's you're saved by grace, but then you've got to maintain it with words, right? >> But yet when you have a relationship, which it sounds like you never experienced a relationship with the living God. I did not either. Um I got in huge trouble when I was a little girl. I'm trying to think right before my confirmation after my first holy communion, I decided to draw a picture of the Virgin Mary Ping. And you can only imagine what the reaction of the nuns were on that one. And I got in so much trouble for that that I was like, I'm I'm definitely in hell. Like there's they just gave me way too much time. And I was a kid and I was like, >> you sound so much like me. >> I was in so much trouble. >> I used to make so many jokes about God. So many. I was like, oh, I would say the most horrible thing. >> Well, I was just curious really. I wasn't I mean, I was a child. I was like, she obviously she would have to be and I was like, oh my gosh. Yeah. So, I >> Well, it was just so like it was so much anger when I was a teenager. I was so angry at God for like letting all this stuff happen to my family. I'm like, God, you're really not here, man. You've left us all alone. I was so angry. But then I realized I was still doing stuff that I I I fully realized it. I was like, "Oh, I'm definitely not a Christian fully right now because I'm still, you know, having sex out of marriage or I'm still smoking weed or you know what I'm saying? Like there was always something in my path that I made an excuse for and I was like, I just can't give this up. You know, I can't I don't know how to give it up." So this feeling of like, God, here's Only Fans. God, here's my modesty back. God, here's my drug abuse. here's my alcohol abuse, like here's my language. I I literally every other word out of my mouth was the f- word. So, it was just it was constant refining. And a lot of people still to this day love to say that I'm pretending. I'm grifting. I'm not modest. I, you know, I still mess up. I'm like, I will mess up for the rest of my life. News flash. Like, I just will. I am not Jesus. I'm not the perfect lamb, you know, of God. Uh but I am the sheep that God left the 99 for. Yeah. >> And found, you know, so >> and this is the tension of our day because we do need to speak truth, >> but truth without love is is harsh and people can't hear it. And so our culture was responded by preaching love without truth, which is what we're seeing going on in our culture right now. And then you so like how long ago did all this happen? >> Uh a year and a half ago. >> Yeah. So I mean this is new for you and yet you are having a very mature response. You know, so many people, they're baby Christians. They get attacked. They attack back. They leave the faith. But the truth is, >> it's never Jesus. It's never Jesus that attacks or accuses us. It's always a pherocetical spirit. It's always a religious spirit. It's always mean. And the fear of the Lord rather than the fear of man is something that when you get that that kind of awe of God in your life, then you realize you start to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. And um you've said that you've read some of my husband's books. Oh my gosh, the awe of God changed my perspective so much. I literally asked God, I was like, "God, put the fear of you inside me because I can love God, but if you do not fear him, you won't obey him." And I was like, when John Bevere said that in his book, I was aruck. I was like, "Wow, so I need to fear him." Same with the Holy Spirit book. For some reason, in my mind, I thought Holy Spirit was like some floating cloud from my religious standpoint. >> Well, and we don't talk about him in the church. That's exactly what too like in the Baptist you know religion you don't talk about the Holy Spirit like there's none of that going on so now that I can define religious spirit and then having a relationship with Christ it is so like black and white for me there is no gray lines and you do encounter people online and in person you know who do have that religious spirit but it really makes you feel sorry for them you're like man if only you have actually been able to feel like get on your knees and feel Holy Spirit deep inside you speak to you. It changes everything. You can't ignore that voice. You just can't. The conviction, the heavy conviction I felt over what I was doing and the shame I felt was oh my god. I couldn't I couldn't like eat, couldn't sleep. It was just overwhelming me. And I knew I had to make a change. I knew what I was doing was wrong. And I couldn't live in that any longer. And I'm like, "Well, God, you're giving me a second chance. Like a second second chance now. I can't like I will never go back." And that's something that the devil's really tried to get me on in extreme low moments is you could just go back. >> You know, all your debt will be wiped if you just go back. You know, uh you'll you'll have your friends back if you just go back. And I'm like, I don't want those people in my life anymore. I don't care if I live the rest of my life. >> And plus, it's a lie. Even if you went back and you got the money, >> the cost to your soul, >> not worth it. >> And and and and your friends would disrespect you >> because deep down the friends that are actually attacking you now that are still in the industry, they actually really want what you have to be genuine. >> I agree. >> Yeah. So they they're pushing hard, but they want to know because deep down each and every one of us, we were created for a intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. And so it's hard on people when people that they are looking to disappoint them. And yet Jesus is the only one that's not going to disappoint, you know, and and having so much critics. I'm going to I'm going to share what the Holy Spirit said to me because, >> you know, I remember as soon as I got saved, people were like, "Why are your ears double pierced?" You know, because I was a radical because I double pierced ears. You know, double pierced ears were like, "What in the world?" You know, what's going on? What's going on with this? What's going on with that? And I started to feel like shame coming in. And I had to fight to get free from a religious spirit because you can go to bed free and wake up with a religious spirit the next day. I swear a Pharisee. So there's so many people out there that would be like, "Oh, I don't you know, I don't I don't I don't know. I if I could just have what she had for a little while, then I could just flip it around later." >> Tell tell them the entanglement of that. Tell them how you've had to fight to get free >> from that because there's going to be young girls that are going to admire you that are not born again. I know >> or even that are born again that are attracted to the money, attracted to your beauty, >> attracted to being attracted. >> The money is the one of the money and attention I've noticed are the biggest things. Um I rose to a very high like I was top 01%. >> But yet you had debt. >> Oh well no I didn't have debt while I was in. and I have debt now um because literally because one of my CPAs from 2021 failed to file my taxes and I just found out about it. So that was great. But um >> so for me like people the the women I've spoken to in the industry seem extremely bitter about my decision and it's like it's so crazy to see someone like me who's who was a like a top top model to literally just give it all up when they're struggling to make 30 grand a month. you know, where I was making like 400,000 a month, you know what I'm saying? And they fight for it. They fight and fight and fight for it. So, I I feel like I have such a heart to protect them, you know what I'm saying, from the world. The world is attacking them so harshly, you know, and yes, they are part of the problem. I was part of the problem of, you know, when men love to complain about how there's no more good women out there, you know, and yeah, we're all selling our, not all, but most of us are selling our bodies online. So, yeah, but who's supplying that demand? Women aren't buying porn. Men are buying porn. There's millions of men signed up on Only Fence just purchasing purchasing because you know, you're you can't even fulfill your own sexual desires and your needs are not being met by Christ. They're being met by you. So there like that that pool of emptiness won't end for men or women until we realize that Christ is truly all we ever need. >> Yeah. >> It'll never run dry where we continue to be like the woman at the well who just keeps going for that water for a couple days instead of the living well of Christ. That is what I seek to draw from. >> Yeah. And I do think there's a lot of women going to these wells and they're they're deep wells and they're living shallow lives and they keep thinking if I marry another person or if I get this or if I do that then I'll be happy and then they find out no they're empty. I mean it's so interesting to listen to the different interpretations of that the woman because they make it sound like she was this horrible woman and she kept leaving her husbands but back then women couldn't divorce their husbands. She had been rejected rejected. rejected, rejected five times to the place where she was now living with a a man that didn't even give her his name. She was that empty. And yet when she meets Jesus, she talks about worship. And there's this there's this longing in so many young people and so many women. And I believe there's going to be a revival among agree only fans, among LGBTQ, I whatever. I believe that there is a revival coming. I believe that when God says in Acts 21:17, "I'm going to pour out my spirit on all flesh." >> That means he's going to pour it on people that are going to surprise us. >> Y >> and that God's going to pour out his spirit and there's going to be a revival in unexpected places. And you know, I I love the story of the woman caught in adultery. You know, so many people are like, "Where's the guy?" and everything, but but when you really look into the story, you realize that this woman had courage because when the last person that could have condemned her dropped the stone, she stayed. And Jesus looked at her. And I believe there's a whole generation of young women trapped in bondage, whether it's pornography, whether it's drugs, whether it's alcohol, >> that they have heard about Jesus, but they are not content to hear about him. They want to hear him speak directly. like you did. >> Amen. >> To them. And he said,"Woman, where are your accusers?" And he's like, "They're gone." >> And they said, "Well, then I don't accuse you." But then he said, >> "Go and sin no more." And a lot of times people hear the go and sin no more is you do this again, you're ending up under a rock pile. But Jesus was actually saying, "I believe better things of you in your future. >> You can leave this life of a shadow and you can sin no more." Because the very f next thing he says is I am the light of the world and he who walks in me no longer walks in darkness but has the light of life. And so Jesus is speaking life into areas and light into areas of death and darkness where the church doesn't even know how to address some of these. >> There's a lot of con condemnation I notice. >> Yeah. conviction is different than >> we we think I'd say not we but you know what I'm seeing is all people want to do now is tear other people down instead of speaking life you know even in a marriage we're taught in counseling to you know speak life into your partner lift them up call them higher and that's exactly what Jordan did to me and that's what changed me he he literally spoke John did that for me too >> you know this is not what God has for you what God has for you is something so much greater. And I like everyone would condemn me, call me a you know, I'm used up, I have a huge body count, which I don't, by the way, but you know what I'm saying? Like for me, I was it was all about tearing me down. And even now that I'm a Christian, it's about tearing me down. But I'm like, you can't take away from me what God did. You can't. You're not powerful enough and you are not Christ. you will never be able to take away the gift that he gave me of my salvation, my eternal life being spent with him in heaven. You can't take it away. So that's why it does doesn't bug me anymore because thank goodness I'm not being judged in heaven by them because I would have been condemned in in hell a very long time ago. But it's by our father who is gracious, who is merciful. And if I could say anything to those women is that you are called higher. We all have a calling. We all have an anointing. We all are blessed with spiritual gifts to help others. This life here on earth is not to be served but to serve just like Jesus came to do. And it's the best feeling in the world to serve others and not ourselves. I told God once I got saved, I was like, I'm so done being selfish. It my selfishness disgusts me and I don't want to do it anymore. So, whatever you have for me, if it's being off social media, if you want me to go be a missionary for the rest of my life in God knows where, I'll do it. Whatever you want for me, I'm here for it. You know, and it was the best surrendering point of my life because >> where I was at was just being in control all the time. And it's exhausting trying to keep everything up for yourself, trying to control your own path, see where life takes you, you know, but it's like through Christ, it's so gentle and so loving and he gives you that rest that you really need. Like God put me through like a year of just kind of being still. And I was like, "Okay, what do I do now?" You know, because I'm so used. Yeah, be still. And I heard that so many times from even other people. Maybe it's time for you to be still. And I was like, "Oh, okay." Because I just come out of five years of just being used by men, used by the industry, used by Only Fans agencies who are men just for money. >> And then now it's like God's like, "Dive into me." That's when I started reading John Bevere's books. I started listening to you guys' podcast. I dove into my Bible. dove into downloaded. I literally deleted my entire secular playlist and filled it with worship music because I was like, I'm done. Let me just dive in, you know? Let me just seek and find you. Let me lay by those still waters. >> That's beautiful. You know, so I want you to speak to that young girl that's hearing you and and thinking, "But Nala, I'm in too deep. I can't get out." >> What would you say to her? >> I I made that excuse so many times and I know it's so hard. Like again, my excuses were, "Oh, I'm having sex out of marriage. you know, I'm definitely not a Christian or I'm smoking too much weed. I can't give weed up. You know, every excuse, it's any excuse that you can come up with will never be enough. It will never give you the freedom that God truly desires for you. Even like God h the book I'm reading right now by John is you are called. >> And I love the line where it talks about how God is even more excited for your purpose that he has for you than you are. So, like I know that your life might feel hopeless and this is you're just stuck in this situation, but all you have to do is reach out to him in humility. Humility. Like I surrendered everything that night in the living room. I was like, God, I am utterly alone. What did I do? Like look at what I did with my life. God, what do I do? You know, and then he just spoke to me clearly. I was utterly alone though. I think you need to get into a very intimate place and a very real place with God >> and alone. You can't be around people. It needs to be such a one-on-one encounter with him that you know, you're just sharing your entirety with him and he will speak to you. Holy Spirit is he never left you. You know, I love that saying about God never le left you. You just kind of decided to go further away from him. But all you got to do is take that step back. He's right there waiting for you. You know, all the grace in the world that you know, people have, it's nothing compared to the grace that God has over you. And he will forgive you for any sin. I think the only sin that is unforgivable is what? Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, >> which is not an easy thing to do, >> right? >> Yes. >> Yes. So, you know, just remember that, you know, just don't blasphe the Holy Spirit. But any sin you could ever think of, like all the sins I've committed, oh my gosh, in 26 years of my life, never serving Christ. And then it it was just like all I prayed for after I got saved was God, please let me have more years on this earth so I can serve you. Let me experience that. Please. So yeah, >> I love that so much. You know, I love that David said, "Cleanse me." >> Yeah. >> And I will be clean. >> Was that Psalm 139? >> Yes. He He said, "And then will I teach transgressors your ways." And so there's something that happens. It's one thing to receive the cleansing of God and then acknowledge it, but then to teach other people God's ways because when we've experienced the mercy of God, I I love that the other one portion that I love that they we often don't highlight with the woman taken in adultery, it said they went away one by one, the oldest ones first. >> And when you're young, the quickness to judge is so evident. You're like, "Kill him, judge him, you know, whatever." But the older you get, the more you know you've needed the mercy of God, the quicker you are to or you should be >> to extend the mercy of God. And I just want to I want to thank you for your courage because there are so many young girls that need to hear what you were saying because they're thinking, "If only I get this, I'll be happy. If only I get that, I'll be happy." And then you and I both know that sometimes the greatest uh depression is found when you get all those things. Oh, it is. And then you have And then you find an emptiness. You know, I got married to John when I was 26. Uh, no, 20. I'm sorry, that's not even true. I got married to I was 22. I had my first baby when I was 26. Um, and I love that you're part of a a vibrant church now. I love my church. >> I love that so much. I love that, you know, my third son and his beautiful wife, Alec and Maddie. And um you know I remember John having this beautiful godly past except for he he was a virgin physically but he was addicted to porn. My husband was he's been very open about that. And then I was basically promiscuous. >> And I remember thinking I'm so glad I have all boys. I never have to share my story with my girls. I've had all boys. It'll be awesome. And I remember the day that I got up. It was I'm like making coffee and Jonah had the talk with one of our sons and so my oldest son Addison said so so mom were you a virgin when you married dad and I was like what >> dang >> this is before coffee and I I just remember my whole world freezing I remember Alex saying what's a virgin am I a virgin I want to be a virgin I'm like this is a nightmare John wasn't there and I remember thinking I can say that's none of your business which mean no I was not or I could say that before I was a Christian, which will also mean no I was not. Or I could say the truth. >> Not the details, but the truth. And I looked at my son and I said, "I was not, but I want something so much more for you." And I I hope that people are hearing that you're speaking truth because you want something so much more for this next generation. I do. >> Yeah. and only the heart and for them because this next generation is growing up >> online. Yeah. >> Online. Like it is terrifying that you know we have to think about our kids, my future kids having to grow up in a society where it's just comparison. It's oh I don't have that car or I don't have that house or you know I don't have this many followers you know and it's just so not true. If you're looking at your life through a internet lens, you will never be a good enough. There's someone always richer, someone always more attractive, you know, someone who has more things than you or h runs their own business. There's always going to be somebody better. But under Christ, there is no comparison lens. God made you fearfully and wonderfully made. You are unique. Even if you're a twin to somebody, you are completely unique. Your identity is so sealed through him. And it's again like God made me so different from you. And yet what we have together is Christ. >> Christ. >> And I I say for anybody even starting their journey through Christ, it's so important to be behind a community of true believers that is holding holding you accountable. Um my husband actually runs this group called Lust to Life who is helping men get out of porn, which is such a big issue. So many men come to me and I've struggled with porn while I was in the porn industry. Sure. >> You know, and so I understand that, but like you have to have self-control. You absolutely have to. And helping that is mainly having other believers surround you in prayer and being there for you uh to advocate for you and just being an accountable friend. You know, it's so important even in the Bible when it talks about, you know, tell your friend like your sins, you know. >> Yeah. You confess your sins one to another because there's healing. We know we're forgiven. We confess it to God. >> Yes. But there's healing when we confess it one to another. >> Absolutely. >> Yeah. Well, I am so proud of you. >> Thank you. I'm so happy to meet you finally. You and John are like >> manirling so hard over YouTube. >> We will get you guys together. We'll have to do like an Italian meal since I know you guys have Italian background. But you know, I want you to know I'm sorry that horrible things have been spoken to you about you over you or whatever. And as a >> thank you >> grandmother >> and as a mother in the house of God. I break those words off of you Nala and I bless you and I thank God for your life. I am thankful that you are a gift and I believe this is just the beginning. I believe that God is going to give you back so many things that you've lost. That your marriage will be blessed that your children will be blessed. That you'll be a legacy. That you'll be the beginning of a thousand generations who love God and keep his commandments. and that your past is just going to be something you have to almost dig up because of the beauty and the newness. I believe that you are are like this beautiful Rahab that God redeemed out and that God has restoration and I believe that you are going to be used as an instrument of salvation to so many people that are trapped in the industry right now. >> Amen. >> And so I I save them. >> Yep. Absolutely. And you know, and again, um, we don't have to be them to save them, but we do need to actually make way for them because they're going to come in and there's going to be a harvest and the church needs to be ready. >> They need to >> Yeah. They need to be ready to love them and speak the truth. And sometimes we just speak truth and drive people away or or do love and then >> keep them in an area of compromise. So, thank you so much. >> Thank you so much for having me. >> Absolutely. Is an incredible incredible testimony of the power of God. >> Thank you.