Hey, what's up? Before we do this Nala episode, guys, I just wanted to let you guys know that we are on tour right now and you guys should definitely come get your tickets at the gorgejenko.com and I can't wait to see you guys. >> My O of managers who ran my accounts made me money. I looked up to that man so much. He became like a father to me in such a perverted way. And I was like, I'll do anything that you say. And I did. And to be able to do scenes, I drank so much. I was so wasted because it helped me complete what I needed to complete. And so many people like, "You're making great money. That's what I always wanted." Like, "No, you don't. You'll get to the top and realize just how alone you are." I used to recite that to myself. It's lonely at the top. It's lonely at the top. Because it made me feel better because of why I was so alone. I'm alone, but at least I have money. [Music] >> That's lovely, George. I love it for real gifts to be around. That was awesome. >> That's very good. >> I love you guys. >> You give me something to think about for a while. >> Wait one second. >> There you are. >> Hey, welcome. >> What's up? >> Um, what? You can't do that. You can't do that. You had such a high energy and then you were just like, "Yo, what's up?" What's going on? >> [ __ ] [Music] [Laughter] Uh, this is going to be an interesting podcast. >> Stop drinking the coffee. >> No, >> this is the ongoing problem. >> No, I was just telling her, welcome back, guys, to the George Django show. Welcome back. Uh, I was just telling her how I wake up. And if you guys don't know how I wake up >> when I have a lot of energy, this is me. This is me. Say action. Say action. >> Action. >> Good morning. >> Oh, yeah. >> And then I start clapping and everybody's like, "Bro, you need to chill." And for some reason, I needed coffee. I feel like it's a it's a habitual >> use coffee in the morning. People who tell me like doctors who will be like female doctors like OBGYNS or something, they'll outright be like who are like more um naturalists, they'll be like, "You don't need caffeine in your diet. It's actually disrupting this and this." And I I blur out because I'm like, "I'm not hearing you right now." Because coffee is literally one of my five main food groups. Like >> I hate when my OG says that to me. >> No, but you know, I'm going say a thing that you're going to hate. >> I can't believe I said that right. [Applause] Me, too. >> It sucks. But it's so true, though. >> And you know, I I so used to be like that. I used to be like I can't like I got I need my coffee. You know, I'd be like really low energy, really low mood until I had my coffee. >> And then like not too long ago, I was able to kind of balance that out. I feel like God really helped me through like not needing to like rely on coffee in the morning. >> For sure. >> Yeah. Yeah. It really is. >> Yeah. When people are like, "Don't talk to me. I haven't had my coffee." >> I know. I don't want to talk to you after mean you are before your coffee. body just gets addicted to things and then becomes reliant on it. When your body naturally supplies enough energy for you throughout the day anyway and especially if you have like a well- balanced diet, which I don't. Mine is Dairy Queen. That's what I live off of. Just ask my husband. Yeah. Every day. I swear. Like I have ice cream all the time. >> Your husband husband in the background. >> No way. >> I didn't even mean to see it. >> You you look like you're you're having a a beautiful blessed blossom life. I mean, I pulled in, I saw a beautiful Jeep with a thousand ducks. Oh yeah. And I just duck right on top. Did you see him? Is he the biggest duck? >> Is that what he like? >> China. [Laughter] >> Okay, so let's talk, dude. How we met. We were We were at Equinox. >> Equinox. >> And my >> Yes. My Well, way to go. Now freaking Everybody's going to be hanging out over there. We'll be back. >> That's fine. I don't go there anymore. They can go. >> Oh, you Sorry. >> No, it's Hollywood. It's Hollywood. They go to Hollywood. Hollywood. We go to West Hollywood. That's what we >> That was a nice one, though. >> That is a very nice one. >> It's too much. >> No, I'm a piece of meat there. I don't like it. I want I'm like, "Please, I'm here to work out, guys." >> I started going to Equinox because I went to LA Fitness and I was like, "There's too many like regs here, bro." Like regular people. That's what I call like regular people reg. Um, and I was like inundated with like questions, people like coming up to me, and I was like, I can't do this. Like, this is living the life I was living. Bright red hair, I'm like a spectacle. So then I started going to Equinox and I was like, "Oh, this is much better. More chill crowd." You know, you're paying a pretty hefty like fee just to go there. So I was like, "This will cut out a lot of the weirdos, right? Or the didn't the regs." Sorry. I'm a rag now, too. So >> And it So it didn't So it was still really hectic at Equinox. >> Not hectic. It was just like there there's like specific weirdos now. >> Well, now they want to collab. like the these went from like everyday like fondling people to like serial killer mindset. You know what I'm saying? Like no, not really. But >> obviously that was who have you met at the gym? >> Sophisticated people who have money and now they go to a nice gym and it's just it's just a weirder mindset. I thought like even when Jordan came to the gym with me there, he was like, "Do you remember this guy that was like following you?" I was like, "No, I'm completely oblivious." Like, >> yeah, that's like I always tell her when she steps out of the house like head on a swivel like you know what I mean? Like girls are just always like I'm in my own world. Nobody knows I'm one day girl in the world. >> I really sings that to me all the time and it makes me so mad. >> Hold on. Hold on. No, wait. Hold on. No, wait. Hold on. No, wait. Hold on. It's welld deserved. Jordan is absolutely correct because you lie to your husband and you say you go, "Oh, no. I'm babe when I'm out there. I'm like a ninja. That's what I was about to say. I know. I see. See? Look. Jordan. Jordan. Jordan. I wish we had a different camera, bro. Oh, it would have been great to have you on this podcast cuz it would have been us versus them. We'll do a part two with him back on it. But listen, like Jordan's right. And I'll tell you why. Because this ninja, okay, gets out of the car, one foot out, texting like this. Quick, nighttime in the hood. I'm like, yo, one heel showing her beautiful legs sticking out like this. Just just like this. And I'm sitting here. I was like, "There's no way. Where's the swivel? Where's the head? Where's the ninja? I'm not done. I'm not done." So, I parked my car. I parked my car. I looked at I looked at it. Don't Don't make friends references when I'm upset. You know, that gets me going. All right. So, I'm looking at her. I was like, "Yo, I'm I'm going to actually clock this. Are you ready for this?" And this is not an exaggeration. Four minutes. I could have kept that twice. >> Four minutes. >> Four. And by the way, this street is dark. No lights. It's not a great neighborhood. >> Where's the swivel? >> Okay, I understand. >> So, my rebuttal to this is that when you're with your husband, you have the freedom. Yes. You have the luxury of being like, I'm just girl because he's looking out for me. He's with me. >> Exactly. And he's aware. You don't have to be. That's the luxury. But when I'm on my own, it's a different story. I care. >> You were on your own. You weren't with me. >> What? When did you witness this? How did you time it then? >> Trust. You don't listen to me. You don't listen to me. >> I was listening. >> Thank you. >> No, but I'm I'm like agreeing with her. >> Thank you. Thank you. When I'm at home, it's different. >> Listen. Listen. >> What's the rule in LA? Not in Arizona. What's the rule in LA? >> I got to be home when the sun sets. >> Got to be home when >> Is that the rule? >> 100%. >> Oh, I broke that rule so many times. >> 100%. Listen, nothing happens good at night. If you're a girl who's soaking wet 90 lbs and there's a guy who's doing crack looking at you and the sun goes down, go home. Go home. Go home. It's like Thriller Michael Jackson. >> Wanted that chance, dude. Always wanted that chance cuz I went through like martial arts. >> Oh, yeah. But this is different, bro. She did. She did ice skating. >> Hey, man. >> She ain't going to skate away from this. >> I could I could run fast. I could run fast. Okay. >> No, she can't. >> She looks like she's in great shape. She could run. >> She has great crackhead. What's he going to do? Have you ever seen a man on crack? >> I'm really strong. >> Gone, bro. He Bro, there's no elements to this guy. There's no gravity. He's up on the wall. He's hanging. He's looking at him. >> I'm agile. >> I digress. Let's get back. Did I use that right? Did I use that right? >> Yeah. Yeah. What are we getting back to now? >> We're going back to you. This is the best intro that I've ever had. I love this. This is great. So, my first thing was we met at Equinox, >> right? We met at Equinox. >> I can't believe you remember that. I >> I do. You know why? I'll tell you why it meant. so much to me. I was with my buddy AJ. He was training me and we walked out after we were done speaking to you and we were leaving. He goes, "Hey, do you know who that is?" >> And I was like, "No." And then he showed me your content. And I was like, "Oh." Cuz we followed on each other on Instagram. And I go, "Oh man, I'm going to have to explain this to my wife, right?" >> She's like, "Why are you talking to this girl at the gym? Why not any other girl? Why? Why this girl?" So I literally go to Belle and I go, "Bel, like I met my new friend." I go, "But she'll remember this." I said she her I think it was he explained to me it was either your father or your grandfather that was really big in his faith. >> My dad was a pastor but I wouldn't say like big in his faith. He fell very short and now he's like in jail. >> So >> okay. So he did say he see that other side of the story of things. >> And at that time while I was on Only Fans, I never spoke about my family. >> So how did you know about that? >> What? >> How did you know that he was a pastor? Just because I didn't speak about it didn't doesn't mean it didn't happen in my personal life. I'm just saying I didn't speak about it on social media while I was on Only Fans. I wanted to keep my personal life very like secured like where it like nobody knew my name. I still don't go by my real name for a very specific reason. A lot of people are like, "Oh, she's still using her stage name." The only reason being is because I keep my personal life private. I want my kids to grow up knowing that it's private. I keep my husband safe by that. my family, my extended family. Like, there's no point in knowing my real name. It's social media. All social media is fake most of the time anyway. It's not that there isn't real in social media, but the the majority of it is fake, made up, edited. You know what I'm saying? >> You feel like a secret agent when you walk around with like, dude, that must feel safe because I don't even give out my real name. Even to people I know personally, like at church or anything, everybody knows me as Nala. And it it makes me feel safe. >> Even though yes, God could keep me safe like that. But >> maybe he gave you wisdom for it. I'm just saying there's people out there with very bad intentions and I've seen that over the last year and a half of becoming a Christian. People have battered me and my husband online with no regret. Absolutely none. And so I'm like, why would I give out something personal when you're just going to take it and literally blow a hole through me with it? Yeah. >> Like why would I hand you that bullet? >> Well, can I be honest? I And hear me out when I say this. I'm really happy that God gave you this journey because not a lot of women would fulfill it. Not a lot that many women finished their race. The first person that told all the disciples that were running away that Jesus was alive >> was a woman who was a prostitute. A woman that everybody else wrote off. >> That's true. >> And during the times, we talk about it now. We give her praise. But dude, back in the day, they really wanted to stone this woman. >> This woman wasn't somebody that people even wanted in the room or having a conversation. But Jesus says, "Hey, young lady, come here. I want you to go tell those 11 men." To me, I think that's really powerful because imagine what her heart was like. Imagine what her mind was like. We are always so quick as Christians to look at ourselves and be so grateful for where we're at and then we quickly look down at another man that God is meeting. >> And so, I'll never forget when the disciple goes, "Hey, why are we using uh the perfume and why are we doing this?" And this girl's weeping and washing his feet. We don't know the separation of love. And I really think that people who really love God are somebody who are really deep in a hole and God came and reached them. >> It's true. It's very true. Well, that's why the Pharisees, they've been studying, you know, God and like religion and they had these laws that they had like instilled in them from like childhood. So, it's like it's kind of like nowadays when you hear of people who are like, I don't really have a testimony. I just been saved basically my whole life. I've been baptized when I was a kid and then I lived that out. I don't really I haven't like been tested like that. So, it's kind of like that. That's how I see it where someone as me where I cherish my salvation. Not that they don't, but I cherish it in such a crazy manner because I knew that this was like my last chance. God gave me one more chance and this was it. I was baptized at seven. Like for me, it was like being in a swimming pool. I didn't know what it meant. You know what I'm saying? And getting saved at such a young age. I don't remember any of it. But now making a conscious decision to serve God and be his child as an adult. My parents are not over me. No friends are influencing me. It is my decision to whether I want to be in eternity with God or eternity in hell. And that was the most precious thing to me that I made that decision. You know, thankfully my husband brought me to salvation. He brought me to the door, but I had to open it. So I think I cherish it on such a deep level. Whereas other people who are casting stones, they don't. They realize that they've been saved their whole life, that they would never go astray. They would never do the things that I've done. They would never sell their body online. They would never be promiscuous. >> And yet cast stones at somebody who had a very different life than them. Very different life. And people are always saying like, "Oh, you can't blame your childhood." Believe it or not, your childhood has a lot to do with how you grow up. your influences as parents, your siblings, how they treated you. I was in the middle of five children, like imagine. And my my family was basically poor. So, and then my dad threw himself into being a pastor out of nowhere after he had like cheated on my mom. They divorced, remarried. He had left our family to poverty. Came back all all of a sudden like one day because he decided he wanted to be a dad again. and then became a pastor and then threw our family into religious churchship, like being like the first in, first out, teaching Sunday schools, anything that the church wanted to do. I remember like mopping floors, being like, "Why the heck am I doing this, bro? Because my dad told me to, not because I wanted to." And so I just feel like if people would understand like other people like me who didn't grow up the way they did or didn't have the opportunities that they did, it would just make a lot more sense. Like the abuse happened so psychologically and then there was other abuse that happened to me. Like I was molested at 13 and I got into drugs because I needed an escape because I didn't go through therapy. You know what I'm saying? There's just so many things and I take full responsibility for my actions because I made them as an adult. So, I understand that I made really bad decisions that did hurt other people, men and women alike. And that's like, you know what I'm saying? There's nothing else I can do about that other than pray for the people that I've hurt and hope to goodness that they come to Christ. You know, because they were struggling, too. Men lusted after me because I was putting out content, but they were supplying the demand for me to do it. You know, there's a heart issue on both ends. >> Sorry for the rant. >> No, I loved it. That there was so much to unpack there. And I wanted to say one thing when I met you. >> Unpack it, George. Listen, >> when I met you at the gym and I was done speaking to you, >> I had no idea who you were, by the way. >> I vice versa. We were just bumping into We were just It was meant to be. We were meant to meet. And I think this when I met you, >> I didn't know this, but there was a mask on. There was a version of you that you were displaying >> and there was a version of how you spoke, your mannerisms. It was this character that you were wanting to display. And when I saw you on the Yeah. when I saw you on the podcast and then they were shredding you and the way you held yourself with such respect and integrity and the way you combed but with like true wisdom, I said, "Oh, there's there's God's daughter that I was waiting for to pop out." >> That's good. >> That's really cool. That's one I wanted to just unpack. Two, I wanted to apologize. >> In our community, there are a lot of vultures and wolves. >> Mhm. >> And you should have been met at the door with celebration. But >> I was with some people and that's who I hold close. My husband, I met great friends through that. There were pastors speaking about me on their at their church services because they were like, "Look at what she did. She's the modern-day Mary Magdalene and she made the choice like there's this is the example that we should follow too." You know, if you are broken, if you are hurting, we live in such a crazy society where, you know, men are sleeping with their girlfriends out of wedlock. Women are doing the same vice versa. Women are like shoved into this like empowerment movement that we are independent. We are boss babes. We can make our bag. Societyy's changed crazily. Like it is so different from even 10 years ago and now we have the internet. You know what I'm saying? Like >> it's so great to see people like you guys spreading God's word in such a cool manner because I feel like the Pharisees took it so wrong. You know what I'm saying? Like they're taking laws, shoving it down people's throats, and condemning them for, you know, disobeying their laws. All the while being major hypocrites. You know what I'm saying? >> You let's let's reflect the law. Like, let's just go to the ten commandments. >> Half of the commandments is how you treat God. The other commandment is how you treat your neighbor. That's why when he was going up to the cross and he left them with two commandments and he says, if you fulfill this, you will fulfill the law. One, love your God with all of your heart, all of your mind, all of your strength. And then love your neighbor as yourself. So you could seriously separate who's truly after Christ and who's just sitting there with a badge like a Pharisee. >> When somebody could look at another man and condemn them, what they do is they replace themselves with God himself. Because one thing you're doing is you're saying, "I got to where I'm at by myself, so therefore I could judge you on where you're at." But let's put it this way. Say you had the wisdom to say, "Oh, I didn't want to do Only Fans." Who gave you that wisdom? Who gave you an upbringing to give you that wisdom? Who gave you a tongue to say no? Who gave you the eyes to see clearly? Who gave you the ears to hear the right way? That's good. >> So all of the things that you take praise and knock somebody down for, you're wielding what God gave you as a gift and you punished your neighbor for and they will be dealt with. >> Wow. >> They will be dealt with in a way like this. When God shows up and they say, "Hey, God, come here." He says, "Get away from me. I never knew you." >> Because you didn't look after my kids. You punished them. You beat them. You took the sword that I gave you and you smashed down on the child that I asked you to go save and yet you put them in more bondage. >> Right? >> So, true Christians should have never done that. And I'm really happy. My one question is this. >> How do you keep going? Because dude, when you're a brand new Christian, I know little girls that are hard and they're just at high school or in middle school. >> They didn't have an area code chirping at them. You had the whole world chirping at you. What kept you grounded in the roots of God? >> So many things. Um, I'd say a community. Even though my community was very small, it included my husband, my best friend, Taylor and Jacob. And then along the way as I was getting invited on podcasts, Michael Nolles, Llaya Rose, Isabelle Brown, um, Lisa Bevere, and then reading, I started reading John Bevere's books. I never had a thirst for reading, especially in college. Like, I hated reading. And then once I became a Christian, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I need to submerge myself. I'm so thirsty for God." So I sat in my home. Everyone's thinking like, "I'm going on this some major tour." When really, I go to a podcast, come home, and I'm stuck at home. So I immerged myself in John Bevere's books about the Holy Spirit, the awe of God, like how to truly fear God. And like you can love God. The best point he made was you can love God, but it doesn't mean you'll obey him just because you love him. If you fear God, you will obey him. Because if you truly understand that God is the only one that can kill body and spirit, who else do you need to fear? And not only who else, but what else do you need to fear? Physical objects, uh, situations in life, uh, financial burdens, relationships, why do you need to fear that? If the one that's over your life and that's claiming to be your number one is the only one you should be fearing, there you go. It it takes so much stress away from me knowing that all the hate that came at me. Don't get me wrong, it did hurt for a while. I was like I thought I was doing the right thing and then I hear oh my gosh on like so many YouTube channels and the news was even like talking about me and I was getting these like updates in my email from like uh what is it like daily mail and stuff like mirror and like all these are like is it really true? Is she just grifting? And I'm like I can't listen to that. That's the world. And the enemy would have wanted nothing else but to have me turn my back on what I had done like like my salvation. So he was trying so hard. And as soon as I realized it was just attacks from the enemy, I was like, "Bro, get behind me, dude. Like my path is straight and I know where I'm going." And obviously it's not without fail. Like I've definitely failed a lot. I've made mistakes. Like one of the mistakes I do regret making was going on the Whatever podcast. I was like, maybe I wasn't ready for that because it was a nine-hour podcast in a stuffy room with >> two men just tearing me apart. >> But it showed them who they were. >> Yeah. >> I hope you did. No, of course it did. And they walked away. Even if they wanted you to be, even if they walk away, let their fans cheer them. Remember, the world is going to cheer for things that we don't want to cheer for. >> Oh, that's why the book can be different. >> Amen. So, don't worry about whatever. Literally, don't worry about it. or whatever. But >> but here's the thing. We should pray for them as well. >> I have been. >> No, I I think what they're doing in their hearts, I understand their point of view, right? But remember what the gospel says. >> If you do with wisdom but without love, it's like clashing symbols hitting together. It does more harm than good. When somebody's tearing you down in their hearts in the moment, they're like, "Dude, we got to correct women because we're seeing where our country is going." They're fighting for the right reason, but they don't have a loving God to remind them, hey, like remember who you are. Yes. So this could now mind you, they could be Christian, >> but the same way that you had to go through a path that God wanted you to go, they're going through their own. So I'm not judging what they're doing, but I actually am very happy you went through them because maybe, just maybe, >> she walked away watching that and she went, >> "No, I got to do better next time." And it was just one conversation with you that could put that in her heart. And also watching them berade you and tear you down only made me realize what God was doing was real. Wow. >> So, you got to remember when Stephen was getting crucified or killed or stoned, what did he say? He goes, "God forgive them for they don't know." The same reason that Jesus said that. >> Remember, people do things because they do not know. They're not bad. They're just lacking wisdom. >> I understand that. >> When you were just speaking right now, you were dropping Bible verses and I was catching them. >> Don't fear the man who could destroy the body, but fear the man who could destroy the body and the soul. Look how your own voice is intertwined with his voice. What I saw is a woman wielding a sword. Now, let's time travel. When Jesus was fighting the devil, they only wielded their mouth in the verses of God. >> Right? >> So, when a man is standing around a room, it could be a thousand men, but they could know themselves, but if you know God, it's better than every single person in front of you. >> You're wielding a true weapon. And now, I wanted to say this to the audience members just like her and just like me. I was dyslexic. I hate reading. I couldn't read. >> I I was brain dead. I was literally in a mentally challenged class. Couldn't read, couldn't write. They put me on meds. They did all this stuff. It grew up where even as an adult, I would ask for scripts a week before so I can memorize the script so I could pretend like I'm reading it in front of the directors. This is true. I would memorize. One time a director goes, "You're not even on the right page." And I was pretending to read. They caught me. This is a true thing. I lie. I I remembered every word. But you know what makes me a great reader now? You know what makes me being able to read the Bible and sit down with somebody like Jordan Peterson and break it down? Somebody I never thought in my life I'd be able to have a a conversation like this with. The reason why is because I said, "Hey, God, I can't do this. >> I'm a dumb, stupid human being. >> I This is speaking to me in three different languages. I don't know how to do this. Could you guide me with the Holy Spirit?" And all of a sudden, my eyes track, my mind follows, my ears hear, my eyes see. >> Wow. And that way when I tell my neighbor you could do it too. The dumb man now speaks. Let me rephrase that again. Jesus says the dumb will speak. I was the dumb kid and now I have a podcast and now people want to hear me speak. That don't make sense that if you did the math it doesn't make sense. The only thing that changed is that I invited the Holy Spirit. The ones who see God will see it. The ones who deny it will also see it. And it would irritate them. Well, I think that I mean you see it kind of on social media sometimes with Christians saying this, but like the devil really does tend to attack the thing that God wants to use the most. >> Amen. Amen. Of course. >> I just think that a lot. >> Why would he waste his time if it's an army attack? If we were in an army attack right now, it was us versus you guys. Am I going to attack the pool >> that's meaningless to me? Or am I going to attack your husband who who has the foundation of the house? >> Facts. Am I going to attack the dog that's a little Chihuahua or am I going to attack the golden retriever? Not golden retriever. I never do that. God forbid. God forbid. I'm so sorry I said that. The German Shepherd >> said forgive me. >> So I'm so sorry. God was like, "Hey, hey, one more time of those. I'm out. If you're going to do this podcast on yourself, uh, okay, cool. So now, where are you at with your relationship with God as we speak?" >> It's really cool. I think I was just thinking about this, too. I'd say with my relationship with the Lord right now, he's like critiquing pruning. He's very much so pruning. There's things in my life like I love being a Christian because >> what's pruning again? I'm sorry. >> Pruning is like when you cut off what's bad so that more growth can come in. >> Farmers do this. Yeah. >> Yes. On like let's say an apple tree. So, you're cutting off a bad branch because you see that it's dying and it's sucking up the nutrients of where the tree needs to be growing. Instead of producing fruit, it's dying. So you cut that off so new growth can come in. So new nutrients can go to the place that's now healing instead of dying. So I see it like this. Like >> where I'm at is kind of like >> Could you could you move your mic closer? I'm so sorry. where I'm at is a really cool place where when you become like a Christ follower, you become so hyper sensitive to things like um lying or um I don't know, thinking different things or like thinking things that you shouldn't be thinking, stuff like that. Uh financial strain, like you really are being tested in like let's say I lie and I'm like, "Oh, dang." Like I immediately feel the effects of that and I'm like and where another person be like so what? You you said a lie. Like that doesn't matter. I'm like for me it's like the world and I spend like two days repenting over it cuz I'm like God that's not the person I want to be. That's not the person you created me to be. That's not your will for my life. In the minute >> like I've been reading this amazing book by John Bever called Killing Kryptonite. Kryptonite is like killing sin. And a lot of sin stems from like idolatry. And what like if you think about it in like the Bible like Old Testament, what was idolatry? Idolatry was like worshiping idols. Uh worshiping idols now look so different because we don't like melt metals together and form like an animal out of it and bow down to it where they did in like Old Testament, New Testament times. >> For us, it could be our phone. It's um a person. It's a podcast. It's a TV show where you watch way too much time or you prioritize that TV show over your time with God. Yeah, >> I have been so convicted recently about that cuz I'm I love Criminal Minds. >> They're my favorite shows. And so I just love crime shows. I think like all girls do. But um I was like I was like dang like I felt so convicted. I was like wow I'm spending time with God every day but I still prioritize this TV show more than I'm like spending time with God. I look forward to my TV show. And I'm like why don't I look forward to my time with God? So I took a fast. I was like, "No, no social media and no TV today." I went 24 hours without it. I immediately felt refreshed. I immediately understood that this was something that I needed to put to the side because it was raising very quickly. It can be anything. >> You're killing it, dude. >> But I think that's why God has me in this like little season of kind of not knowing where I'm going. It's just here's a podcast, here's a little brand deal, here's this, but it's just enough. It's sufficient. Can I say two things? >> Yes. >> So, >> it's your podcast. >> Thank you. I don't want to mute you. I'm just kidding. Uh, two things that really really uh impresses me. One, the pruning aspect of your life. I just want to you you're new to this and so am I. And this is something that I really needed to hear and I pray this sits with you. >> Um, as you grow closer to the light, you can start seeing what was in the darkness. >> Oh, yeah. >> Okay. Which means as a man, you are not going to sin less. but you're going to feel the sin more. >> So you're inviting your flesh to die and you're inviting the spirit in. So things you're a little bit more sensitive to. Like for me, foul language when it flies out of my mouth cuz I still swear once in a while like if I'm hanging out with a certain >> That was something hard for me to give up. But it's good to have an accountability partner. Jordan was my accountability partner. Every time I slip the f word, he'd like language and I would I'm not kidding. It was like my like it was like every other word out of my mouth was the f- word and it was just became part of my routine. So like years and years like over 10 years of swearing and now you're just need to get rid of it. It was so hard. But my accountability partner was always there to catch me and always being like language language language. Sometimes he'd say it multiple times during the day and I'm like darn. And so I just started repenting every time I said it. I'm like God cleanse my tongue. cleanse my tongue because I want to be presented to Christ as pure. It's about the listen, the music you listen to, what comes out of your mouth, what you're absorbing with your eyes. Sometimes the food you eat, it depends on the convictions that Holy Spirit is giving you. Some people can wear things where I'm convicted about like showing cleavage. I will not show cleavage. I feel bad about it. You know, where other people that might not be their conviction. You know what I'm saying? It's different. There's a thing that I read because I I I was going into this self-judgment mode, right? And I had to learn how to just be calm and forgive myself because if God says I'm forgiven, who am I to say no? >> You are. Absolutely. >> So Paul says everything is lawful but not everything is good. >> Right? So this when I break this down and mind you, I'm not a pastor or a preacher or like anything, but how I'm breaking this down for myself is this. >> People got really mad when I said this. My my relationship with marijuana. I I compared it to coffee, phones, and fast food. And I watch the world erupt. How dare you? >> How dare you say that? It's the same. It is. You know why? >> It's an addiction. >> Anything is an idol if you love it more than God. Wherever you run to in your crisis is where your Christ is. >> So if I can't wake up and talk to anybody until I have my coffee, well down, bow down to your ball. If I can't get off my phone, I can't stop scrolling. Do you know how many times I've gone off the toilet and my feet are numb because I'm like, "Dude, I've been sitting here." >> A male problem, >> the other day. >> I don't ever have that problem, >> bro. It's so bad. The other day I got up to go, you know, to, you know, do my finishing match, my last lap in the bathroom. >> Keep going. >> I only peed. >> I thought I had to use number two. >> I was just a gassy boy that day. >> This is important information. >> I just want you to know, don't lie to yourself. Put yourself all out there. Hold yourself responsible. But yeah, no, when I sat there, I told myself I was like, "No, I can't I can't do this anymore." So now, like I have an accountability partner. She bangs on the door. George, >> hello. I I really think like I just think that it's so beautiful your relationship with God the way that it's evolved. You can tell like you love him so much. You're so grateful for the work that he's done in you that you want to be disciplined to love him and therefore you want your life to change because you're so grateful for what he's done for you. And I think I have nothing else to be >> like if you think about it like this um >> when you get saved like God becomes your number one your priority like the top of the pyramid. Everything else doesn't matter. Everything else can fade away. Truly I could lose my husband in a car accident or he could divorce me and then he's gone out of my life. So what am I left with? >> I'm left with God. So, if I don't make him the center, I will depend on things that will fail me or could fail me. And in the end, Jordan's going to heaven. And then, like, we won't be married there, which he's he's very disappointed about, but >> he wants me to cook for him in heaven. I'm like, I'm done with my cooking days in heaven. No one's going to be me now. >> I'm waiting for the feast, bro. >> That's so funny. So >> wait, I would I would love to go back cuz you know I know you've mentioned Gordon a few times in being a really pivotal point in your faith and you coming to your faith and we were talking about it briefly before we started. I would love to know the place that you were in when you were doing Only Fans, right? And then you encountered him online. You guys met and he was part of your conviction towards going to Jesus. Could you tell us about that time? >> Yeah, when we met it was uh September 2023, the end of the month and then we just met online. We just started talking, facetiming every day. We became very good friends. Had so many similar interests. I could carry on a conversation with him about God because I was a pastor's kid. Like I heard it all basically. You know what I'm saying? So it wasn't hard for me and it wasn't disturbing to me to talk about God. It's not like I hated God. I was in my mind I thought that I was just taking a break because I knew I would I I thought that I would >> terrible child. >> I thought that I would find it later. I was like, I can't do this right now, God. I'm gonna put you on the back burner because I want to live my life because my childhood was a major cage. >> Major cage. I felt so enslaved. And then when I broke out, it was any kind of freedom that I could find. So >> we became best friends. We met in Nashville for the first time and we're like, "Wow, this person's incredible. They are everything who they say they are." And uh we kept hanging out, kept facetiming, and then um everything that Jordan said was just so true and loving. It really hit me like a spear. Like absolute like and that makes me think of like the word of the Lord is like a two-edged sword piercing uh into like the divine sunder bone and marrow. So like he was literally not preaching at me, just speaking something that he truly believed in, something that he loved. like it it surrounded his entire world. Not that he didn't have any struggles. He really did. But that those struggles turned into him getting saved. >> His actions followed his words. >> Absolutely. A million percent. And so the things he said to me, I didn't want to break off our friendship. I was just like, you know, it's really hard for me to hear like God has a better will for your life than what you're doing with it. Like he has more for you. And I couldn't imagine what that more for me was because I'm like, I already have fame and wealth and I live in LA and I have the life right now. I can go anywhere I want in the world in like minutes if I wanted. And I'm like, what do you mean more more than this, you know? And I was like, I was so afraid. I was so afraid. And so many people think it was like such an easy decision, but it wasn't. Saying goodbye to 300 grand a month, leaving LA, leaving the life I had led for five years. It became a routine, a lifestyle. Saying no and goodbye to that was so hard. I was so scared. I was like, where's my next check going to come from? What am I going to do with my life? Like I sold porn, like who's going to want to work with me, you know? And all these fears collided. And it was there was like his mom especially, she's an angel. She was just like, "Listen, I know you're scared, but you have this door of darkness that's still open. You got to close it. If you don't close it, meaning only fans, and like the life I had been living, if you don't close it, you will fall back in." This was right after I got saved. And she's like, "You got to close that door." And I was like, "Okay." So, I deleted my Only Fans. And I was like, "God, I trust you. I have no idea what trust looks like in you, but I'm I believe I believe that you you sent your son to die for all the sins that I had just committed in 26 years. So, I was like, "Here you go, God. Here's my full trust. You have my heart. If you want me to die, I'll die." But I prayed so heavily. I was like, "God, I spent 26 years of my life sinning against you. Could you let me live another 26 years at least to live for you?" I begged God to do that for me >> and so far it's working out. I'm still alive. So, >> can I can I tie this to something you said in the beginning? You said, "I'm just I'm new to the not knowing." Can I tell you something? >> Yeah. >> In the gospel and what we're all chasing here, and I could see it in his face, which I love, childlike heart. >> But let's reflect how a child behaves in front of his father. >> If the father walks into the room and he says, "Get up. We're leaving." A good son doesn't say where are we going >> cuz he trusts him >> because you're doubting or you're asking or you're trying to be a part of the plan. Every time in God's plans in the Bible when he tells somebody to go, he never tells them why. He says, "Get up, move, and then I'll tell you why." >> Or sometimes he doesn't never explain the why. He doesn't need to because there's a there's a place in our heart where we need to humble ourselves and to say regardless of whatever reflection the devil's given me on this earth, it's not greater than my God. So, I'm going to humble myself and not ask. Now, now when you said I closed that door, what I heard you say is I cut my life. There was a lifeline there and this is me crucifying myself. If I cut this, I no longer could do this. I lose all that and then on top of that into this new world I already know that they want to crucify me. >> So now you're in the center of the cross where God wants you to be. And he says, "Okay, now I could work with you." Because he says that the warm in the in the ones who are in and out, I'll spit you out of my mouth. >> It's better for you to be far out and be hot, >> right, >> than be warm. >> Yeah. Don't sit on the fence. >> You are no longer sitting on fence. Now, the ones who are throwing stones at you, >> Mhm. >> dog, they have a problem putting down a coffee and they sit there and judge you. >> But you're turning down what? Let's be honest, dude. There's a lot of people that I know that they say they're Christians and then they act a certain way or they speak a certain way. They can't even lock down gossiping. >> That was a hard one for me. >> Oh, we deal with it all the time. We have a podcast. >> It's a inette girl thing. It's like girls connect. I find this difficult. I I find this difficult even making new friendships with with girls, you know, like >> it's just it's a way of bonding. It is. Do we dislike the same person? >> I feel like it's wrong. But now with my best friend, like we're so freaking close. She's like my sister. I literally have to bite my tongue not to be like, >> "Guess what? >> Did I just heard this or did you see this? 100%. >> Oh, it's so hard because I'm like I feel like it's innocent, but I know God mentions so many time in the Bible about gossiping and to literally >> murdering characters life and death comes off of your tongue. What do you think you're doing in gossiping? >> Talking about somebody else like speaking death over another person. I'm like, "Ooh, forgive me. >> It's a seed." >> You had to have repent from that so many times. And it's still it's just something you have to be so aware of. And as Christians, that's what like we're no longer drinking milk. As Paul says, we're eating meat. You need to move forward. So, you can't be constantly repenting of the same sins over and over and over and over and over again. There's a time to change. >> Yeah. >> Oh, the Bible also talks about that there's a time and season for everything. >> When you were bringing up like, "Oh, what would happen to my husband if he dies? I only have Jesus." Right? But let's work that from the outside in. Think about this. Imagine what would happen to your guys' relationship if you feared him. When a woman fears a man or a man fears a woman, they change who they are. The reason why God says fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom is because whatever you fear, you become. >> If I fear I'm not a good husband, I'm going to start changing and acting and being okay. But if I fear God, I'm going to be a good husband. I don't care what her recolleation or review is on me. I am a good husband. I am not cheating on you. I am providing. I am leaving something for my children. I am I'm focusing here and not whatever the world is trying to tell me I need to be as a husband because the world is broken. >> I'm not here for it. Then I become a good husband. Then she gives me her gratitude. Hey, thanks for doing that. Thanks for sacrificing. Thanks for doing this. But if I had my eyes off of him, the goal, then I'm here. And now you know what happens? I compare myself to >> her husbands and how they're behaving and what her best friends are saying and what they're doing. And now I'm just being molded like clay because we are all clay. I'm being molded like clay but in the hands of her. >> Wow. >> But guess what? She changes in seven years. And now she no longer wants to play with the mold that she made seven years ago. >> True. >> Men and women break apart from each other because their foundation isn't with Christ. >> Wow. >> You want to grow in a healthy direction in a marriage? Bring Christ involved. I promise you. I promise you. I'm going to get so much hate for this. If you don't involve God in your relationship, it's dead. has no life. It is dead. It's dead. And if it's not dead now, >> it will be. >> It's going to be. >> Absolutely. >> It's going to be. And Bo, they're going to be outraged when they hear this, but it's true because eventually everything leads to death except for Christ. Christ is the only one that walked away from death. So, if you counted on your money, you're going to die. If you counted on your fame, you're going to die. And it's going to die. >> Anything will fade away. >> Must uh moth and rust will collect everything on here. We're made out of dirt. >> Yeah. >> And the only reason we talk and walk and think is because God breathed into Adam. >> So true. But I don't think you'll get hate for that because I think that I think it's like realizing that the ones I think who disagree with that think that they know better. And I think it's saying that I know better or you know better versus we don't know any better. Who's going to know better than God? >> And it makes me think of um you you said it will be dead if you're not relying on Christ. If he's not the sinner, if you're not putting everything you are and could be into him, it will die. It just reminds me of like the living well. If you're drawing your your water from a well that is not him, it runs out. It you will drink it all at some point and then you'll be dry and you'll need more. If you're drawing your your water from the well that never runs dry. >> Amen. Amen. Can I actually say something cuz my heart is actually reflecting on this. There might be somebody watching this podcast and say it's too late. I already died. >> If you're still alive, >> you're not dead. But I want a situation in their life. There might be a situation. It might be a business move. It might be a relationship. But it's dead in their eyes, in their ears. They are fully committed. They've locked in. They've believed. They sat in their heart. It's dead. Good. Let it die. >> But let it be Lazarus. Meet God at the dead situation. >> Cuz he's never late. >> Move the boulder. The reason why Jesus weeps in this passage isn't because he thought Lazarus was dead for good. He was weeping because he's like, "You guys handicapped yourselves with your faith." >> So, he made them move the rock. Physical moving. Back then, if you move the boulder out of the way in Jewish heritage, after a certain days, the soul's gone and it's resting. But if you move the rock, it could cause great pain in the afterlife. >> So, imagine what they felt when they're moving the rock. Like, if this guy ain't doing it, I just destroyed my husband, my brother, my love on the other side. So, it took them. That's why they start weeping when they're moving the rock. Go to whatever is dead and say, "God, I tried. He tried. It tried. It died. Please come into my life and bring it to life." Here's the reason why it is. Because we have all all of us, including everybody behind camera. We've all went to a situation where we're like, "Well, that wasn't me." And we all need that moment. We all need that moment to be like, "I tried until it died." And God came in with a flick of a wrist and it came back to life. Maybe my eyes were on the wrong thing. Wow. >> Maybe I should be looking at life instead of death. So don't worry if anything died. That's a beautiful place to be. That is a beautiful place to be. >> Well, that's where I was. I was dead. >> Absolutely dead. And so many people like, "No, you weren't. You were making great money. That's what I always wanted." Like, no you don't. That's why so many rich people become weirdos. Money doesn't get you what you think it gets you. You'll get to the top and realize just how alone you are. I used to recite that to myself. It's lonely at the top. It's lonely at the top. Because it made me feel better because of why I was so alone. >> I was like, I'm alone, but at least I have money. >> Yeah. >> You know, can I >> Why would you say that, Jinx? >> Ladies first. >> Uh yeah, please. >> No, I just because I think that this time in your life is so pivotal. I think it's so important and I think that so many people might hear, you know, they might feel like, yeah, it's too late for them or they just don't know how to get to that point. >> And I think it's so interesting that it's like a gift was brought to you in order to speak life over you. So, you were able to make this decision in your life. >> And so, right before you met him, >> cuz obviously that was God's doing, bringing you guys together. >> Amen. Were you what place were you at like mentally? Were did you have convictions? Like looking back now, were there certain convictions that you had in your heart? Were you starting to question the place that you were at? And when you met him, you're like, "Oh, this is what I was looking for." >> Yeah. There was no convictions in my heart. I felt numb. I smoked weed all day, every day. Like I It was It was a bad problem. It was a very bad problem. And to be able to do scenes, I drank so much. I was so wasted because it helped me complete what I needed to complete. So, you made a very interesting point that made me think. Um, you you brought up the scenario of like, hey, if your father comes in and tells you, you know, let's go, you don't really question him. If you fear him, you will just do it. My >> fear, just respect him. >> Respect. Okay. >> Kind of the same reverence, fear, respect, kind of going into the same word. But I feel like now that I'm like thinking of it, like my OFA managers who ran my accounts made me money. I looked up to that man so much. He became like a father to me in such a perverted way. Like who tells somebody to do porn and then sells it all over the internet using chatters? >> Who is like openly like you're doing a great job? Who does that? But I looked up to this man. So I feared him like greatly feared him. Like not in the sense I was scared of him, but I respected him so much because I wanted to be like him. I was like, "You're rich. You have everything. You have multiple houses. Like you have it all. I want that." You know? So my respect towards him was perverted in the sense. And I was like, I'll do anything that you say. And I did. And look at where it led me without No, I didn't hesitate. He told me like even this like he told me to like go like tear down this girl on social media. I was like what do you want me to say? Like it was bad. It was bad. >> Would you say that it's because you felt like you were yearning for a father figure? Like you were yearning for someone to look over you. >> A brother, a father, someone to respect. I am such a loyal person deep down. I I know like the biggest joke on the internet was like me being like, "Oh, I let cheat." I lied about all that, dude. Like I I'm not joking because I knew my audience. I knew how to get subscribers and I said and did anything to do that which is the O of industry. It's a lie. It's a facade. It's there to trick you before you fall. Your fall is masturbation. You know what I'm saying? You pay to watch something and then you feel guilty about it. Like that's what I did, you know, for a living, by the way. Like it's so crazy to wrap my head around it. But I followed this man for years. like like a puppy doing anything and everything he asked me to do, being in rooms that I never wanted to be in, doing things that I never thought I was going to. And I was like, "Wow." And now that I like I take a second and look at it, this has kind of been a um a thing that's been on my mind for a couple months. I'm like, now I have to replace that with God. Have to. And it's hard. It's hard for somebody like me because my love language is physical touch. I can't physically touch God. So, it's hard. And then that comes into like faith like what is faith? You know what I'm saying? Having faith in a god that is in he's he himself is invisible to us but creation exists. Other people exist because of him. Nothing we see around us is like lack of him. So it drew me to this like really and then when my father like really stepped out of my life and is now in jail and haven't spoken to him in a long time like I'm like wow God I really need a dad figure. like I need you to be that dad figure to me. So God has taken on so every role in my life basically other than like husband but you know what I'm saying like brother, father, teacher, guide, mentor, like I'd say to anyone listening who is like what do I do? I'm so new to this. Put God above everything. I'm telling you like wake up, spend time with God. That's like how you fill yourself. It doesn't matter if you think you're too busy, you're not. Cut time in for it. Like that's what I've had to do. I set alarms in the morning so I spend time with God. And then I spend time with God before bed. Like everything that I do has to revolve around him. My day has to be about him because he's the one who allowed me to wake up, you know? >> So I seek first the kingdom and the rest shall come. >> Yep. >> When was your Holy Spirit sparked? Was there a moment? >> Yeah, it was after my birthday in December. I was in Miami. Jordan had just sent me like a video recording of him speaking to me and he was speaking life into me, like pure life. That's when he told me, he's like, "God has something so much better planned for you. What you're doing now is not it." And not telling me to quit, but basically being like, "You need to quit. Like, you need to stop doing what you're doing and seek after God." And then backed it up with verses. I was enraged. Like, if I could set myself on fire, I would look like the guy in Hercules, like the Hades. I would be like, "Oh, yeah. That's how I imagine it." >> So, I was so enraged. I facetimed him immediately and I was like, "How dare you speak to me this way?" Like, "You don't know who I am." I separated myself. I was like, I just put myself on a pedestal in front of him like verbally. I was just like, "How dare you? You have no idea who I am, what I've accomplished." Which is nothing by the way. And but in my head, it was a lot. We always flex the things that we deep down know ain't flexing, you know. >> So, and then he was like, he was so peaceful. I was so angry. I was like, "Why don't you fight me, man?" And he was just like, "I understand. It's okay. Like, I'll be praying for you." Blah blah. I was so livid. I was like, "How can he respond to me like that?" And blah blah. And then we ended up speaking later. I don't know if I apologized or not, but um we just kept talking and in that that moment I remember I was so enraged because I was so convicted. I was like, I know he's right. I know like I've done so much wrong and I don't know what to do now. I've hurt so many people. I've caused so many people to sin. I felt like their weight of their sin was on my back. I was like, I can't do anything with it. So a little bit of time passes and that's when I I just felt so much conviction. I get I got sick right after that. Like mega flu sick. I had to stop smoking weed. So I stopped smoking weed. I became sober. Like weeks went by like three weeks and I was completely sober after that. Like and that's why I knew it was from God. God got me sober first. Conviction was hitting. I'd stopped making content. And then I was in my living room and I fell down. I was like, "Bro, I can't do this anymore. You got you gotta answer me right now." Like, right now, hands down, if you don't answer me, it's going to go bad. Like, I don't know if I'm going to take my life. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I I need you. And so, what's crazy because a week prior, I was in my my LA mansion and I had taken out my Bible from 2009, set it up on the shelf because I needed something in that and I never put it back. So, it was like right in front of me and I just picked up the Bible and I was like, why is this out? Like, why did I take this out? And I just looked through it. There was so many highlighted passages all in the Bible. The Bible is like almost destroyed. It's from 2009. And I was like, wow, I used to love you. Like, I used to love you. And that's what I felt in that moment. And then I was like, God, you got to speak to me like right now, please. And he just said, I was all you ever needed. And that's all I needed to hear. like one thing. I'm like, I don't care if you told me um like >> I had chickenpox. I would have been like, "Oh my gosh." Like you spoke to me. You know what I'm saying? It was just like the that one-on-one. I was completely sober, completely alone. And it's like that's what it took for me to listen. >> I called Jordan in the morning at like 7 a.m. sobbing. I first I sent him a voice note sobbing and just telling him I literally told him that I needed a break from him. I was like, I just heard from God. I started to push everything out of my life. I was like, "This is really serious." Like God just spoke to me. Like everything, everyone get out of my life, right? And Jordan's like, "No, no, no. I'm flying there the next morning." He flew. We went to church. I got saved and baptized. >> You reminded me of Jacob wrestling with God. >> We just read that in the Bible and how he like cripples him. >> And you know what I love about that is how much God loves him. Because think about this, right? You wrestle with your little boy. I'm not going to be jumping off the top rope just ending his life, dude. Cena, >> you know, it's like she's like coming out on him like I would be wrestling with him. And how I picture that is God's wrestling with it, but he's matching his strength. >> Yeah. >> And he's like trying to see how far is Jacob going to go >> to the point where does Jacob need to get sick and have a flu? Does Jacob need to stay away from marijuana? Does Jacob need to go reach something a couple weeks ago? You know what I love about God? He flexes that he's outside of time and space. He made you pull something out and put it there so he can lock in eyes with you >> because he knows that you need a physical thing. So he goes, I'm I'm going to put it there for you. Another thing that I saw is that the way that your husband beautifully handled you >> and he did it in a way where he says, "I'm you smacked me here in front of me. When I went to go help you, you smacked me on my face >> and turned his cheek." >> But why, Belle? What makes it so important? Break it down the way you just broke it down to me the other day. what >> about why Jesus explains somebody to give them your other cheek >> because then it shows when the way that you respond to the other person then you reflect Jesus's heart and you forget >> no I'm talking about the actual term when they said that back in the day what it did to them remember how it demands respect >> oh yeah yeah I'm sorry um because yeah he says turn your other cheek he also says to if they take your coat then you must give them their shirt >> and And in that moment when you show them your barness, you show them that you're so humble that you're willing to be in a way and and I pray I explain this right. You're willing to be embarrassed in front of them. You reflect their own shame back to them. >> I was talking about the open hand. >> There was that was beautiful. >> There's a certain There's a certain level of respect. >> Put me on the spot when we we'll cut around. Don't worry. It's like if you don't like it, we could just It's a natural thing. But she came into the room one day and she broke me down uh how the Jews would see it and she said when they smack him and you have to give him the other cheek, you have to smack them in a respectful way. >> Oh, I see what you mean. Yeah. >> So there was a there was a way where in that case if they smacked you legitimately and then they had to smack you in a different way, it's putting them in a place of respect because it is not a backhand respect. It's like a the way they broke it down is that it's putting you in a place to respect them with a physical hit. So now when we turn the other cheek in a in a in a in a verbal con way, okay, >> it puts the person in the mind to respect you >> because you're like, I don't understand how you were explaining. You're like, I don't get it. Why is he not fighting me? It literally submits you without a single touch. >> You get to a place where you're you're by yourself and you're like, I don't get it. Why Why didn't he? And then it puts you in a place to say, "But I would have." And then you say, "Oh man, he's stronger than me." >> Yeah. >> And then you respect him. And then you say, "Okay, if I respect him, now my ears are open to hear him out." >> But that wrestling you did with him, if he wrestled with you back, you would walk away being like, "F this guy. I don't ever want to hear him again." >> But he let you smack him so he could show you his strength without even touching you. >> And that's what I was kind of mean. Self-control is a very big thing I think and becoming like a Christian or just I don't even know like I sometimes I'm like becoming a Christian or Christian Christian just being a follower of the most high like how about that? You know what I'm saying? Like self-control is so tied in >> once you start really diving into the Bible. And I'm not talking like reading chapters and chapters. I'm talking about like taking down verses and breaking it down. The more you're thirsty for God. And I pray all the time, God, don't ever let that thirst go away. >> Amen. >> Because that the minute that happens, I feel like I won't I won't seek after him as strongly. And there's there's seasons in our life it, you know, it all happens where you're like, I'm kind of tired, man. I don't want to do this or so much is going on. I have a lot of mental strain or something's going on in my life that's like kind of like taking my full attention away. But as long as you get back to that, we do serve such a merciful, graceful, amazing God. He cares. He cares. And he cares so much that he will allow you to stray a little bit. Sometime we have full control. And you can't have that with like that's true love. People are like, >> "Think about it. If he doesn't go just >> I love you, but you have to cook for me." >> Facts. >> Do you get what I'm saying? I love you, but we're cuddling now. You know what I mean? Like you're like, "Oh, no. This is this is abuse. This is not love. >> This is abuse. >> In the beginning was the word, and then God became the word. I mean, God became flesh, right? But the word, think about this. We're made in his image, which means that we start things with our word. >> And God goes, "If you ask, you shall receive. If you seek, you shall find. If you knock, the door is going to be open." And then he breaks down this like parable. He goes, "Okay, say you have a neighbor. He comes and knocks on your door." And he says, "Yo, I need bread and milk, bro. I got a guy coming from far away. I got nothing for him." And then what do you say? You're like, "Bro, I'm in bed. My kids's asleep. Get out of here. You're weird. This is 3:00 in the morning." And then he bangs. He goes, "Yo, bro, please. Nala, please. I beg you. I beg you. I don't want to look bad. Please." And you're like, "All right, bro, but shut up." And then so you open
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