Charlie Kirk's Unfiltered Advice on Dating and Marriage for Young Men and Women
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Charlie Kirk's Unfiltered Advice on Dating and Marriage for Young Men and Women
When a pastor asked Charlie Kirk for advice to give young people on dating and marriage, he didn't hold back. Kirk addresses the silent crisis destroying a generation of young men, the consequences of delaying marriage, and why women are increasingly struggling to find men with self-control. From the dangers of pornography to the feminization of culture and the hidden realities of college life, Kirk offers direct, countercultural guidance on relationships, masculinity, and building a foundation for lasting marriage.
A pastor and her husband, who lead a church three and a half hours north, approached Charlie Kirk with a question many parents and church leaders struggle to address. With four sons ranging from 15 to 21 years old, she wanted Kirk's perspective as a young, newly married man on what advice he would give young people about dating and marriage. What followed was one of Kirk's most direct and unfiltered responses on the challenges facing this generation.
The Silent Crisis No One Wants to Talk About
Kirk immediately addressed what he considers one of the most damaging issues plaguing young men today: pornography. He didn't mince words, calling it "Satan's great silent plot that the church doesn't want to talk about." While churches may mention it occasionally, Kirk argues it's far more destructive than most people realize.
"No one is above it. Almost every man has struggled with it, myself included," Kirk acknowledged, sharing that he's spoken openly about his own struggles. The key, he emphasized, is that there can be victory in these stories. However, he stressed that pornography "will completely and totally destroy your life" if left unchecked.
Kirk believes the church needs to reposition how it discusses this issue—not through shame, but through hope and the promise of a better, more flourishing life. Freedom from this bondage is possible, but it requires honest conversation and action.
The Decline of Modern Masculinity
Moving beyond pornography, Kirk painted a stark picture of modern young men compared to previous generations. "Most young men are a shadow of the man their grandfather used to be," he said, citing that testosterone rates have dropped 85 percent generation after generation.
His prescription for reversing this trend is straightforward and practical. Young men need to work with their hands, lift weights, eat red meat, be around other men, and do things that are dangerous and full of adventure. The decline of men in society, Kirk argues, stems from the "hyper-feminist, hyper-feminization of our culture."
He was careful to note that both the feminine and the masculine are important, but society has swung too far in the feminine direction. This imbalance has created a perverse situation where women are required to become men and men are required to become women.
A Call to Action and Adventure
Kirk's advice became even more pointed as he addressed what young men need: challenge and adventure. "Video games and staring at screens is not going to do it," he said, drawing a biblical parallel to Abraham being called away from his father to embark on something greater.
"Get off your tail and go do something meaningful, man," Kirk challenged. He described an entire generation as "the lost boys"—grown infants, mostly men, who lack direction and purpose.
Dating, Marriage, and Purity
Kirk's advice on relationships was equally direct. He encourages young people to get married early, date with the intent of marrying, and save themselves for marriage. The church, he believes, needs to talk more openly about these issues, and getting married early can solve many of the problems young people face.
When sharing his personal experience, Kirk revealed that after about 30 minutes of meeting his now-wife, he told her directly: "I want to date you. I don't want to be friends. I have enough friends." This approach, he noted, was completely foreign to her because she was used to what he called "metrosexual wannabe men" who meander through life without direction.
"Be a man. Tell them what you want and lead them towards it," Kirk advised. Men need to be direct with women, showing leadership and intention rather than falling into the passive "friend zone."
The College Problem
One of Kirk's most controversial points addressed the college environment. Beyond his many other criticisms of higher education, he highlighted what he sees as a massive problem most parents don't recognize: the sexual environment of college campuses.
"You are sending your child into a hedonistic, pleasure-filled environment that will destroy their entire sexual worldview that might be irreversible and will erode their dopamine receptors and their serotonin response to pleasure," Kirk warned.
He pointed out that most parents don't realize boys' dorms and girls' dorms are right next to each other. "What do you think is going to happen?" he asked. "We've got a bunch of 18, 19, and 20-year-olds. Good luck."
The Career-First Trap for Women
Kirk didn't shy away from addressing young women either, particularly regarding the pressure to prioritize career over family. His message was blunt: putting career first is "awful, terrible, stupid, dumb, not fulfilling. You'll be really miserable."
"Girls go to college now to go become corporate bosses. You'll be miserable in your early 30s, probably," he said. While he acknowledged this is a truth no one wants to say out loud, he deals with the consequences regularly through listeners of his podcast who express regret about not getting married earlier.
Kirk cited clinical data showing increases in antidepressant use, Prozac, and benzodiazepines among women in their early 30s, coinciding with declining fertility. The promise of career fulfillment, he argues, often leaves women with regrets and a dog instead of a family.
What Women Are Really Looking For
According to Kirk, women search for one quality in men more than anything else, and they're struggling to find it. It's not just leadership or courage—it's self-control.
"This is the least self-controlled male generation in history because we've told them do whatever you want to do whenever you want to do it," Kirk explained. Young women have told him they can deal with various shortcomings in men, but what they cannot accept is men who can't control their impulses—whether it's drinking, consuming media, or other behaviors.
Self-control, Kirk reminded his audience, is a fruit of the Spirit. For men who want to make themselves desirable to women, demonstrating the ability to control impulses "will put you above the rest."
Final Thoughts
Kirk acknowledged his advice was "probably provocative enough," but his message was clear: the current approach to dating, relationships, and preparing young people for marriage isn't working. He's calling for a return to biblical principles, direct communication, early marriage, sexual purity, and the development of true masculinity and femininity as God designed them.
Whether in agreement or not, his perspective offers a stark contrast to mainstream cultural messaging and provides conversation starters for parents, pastors, and young people navigating the complex world of modern relationships.
