Charlie Kirk on How He Knew Erika Was the One and Dating Advice for Young Women

How Charlie Kirk Knew Erika Was the One

Charlie Kirk knew his wife Erika was the one almost immediately after meeting her. Their first interaction was a very long dinner that Kirk describes as being very close to almost an interview. While this might sound unusual, Kirk stands firmly behind the concept of interviewing your spouse.

Kirk's philosophy is straightforward: if a potential partner doesn't check the boxes, move on to the next one. He believes dating for dating's sake is bad for everyone involved and advocates strongly that people should date with the intent to marry.

The Problem with Seeking Male Attention

Speaking from a male perspective, Kirk identifies a critical problem facing young women: they're led to believe that to get male attention, they have to throw themselves out there. Kirk attempts to be diplomatic about this sensitive topic, but his message is clear.

The reality, according to Kirk, is that men seek what they can't have. To make yourself more desirable, you actually have to wall yourself off to some degree and have men earn the right to date you. They should have to court you. Kirk acknowledges this might be hard for some to hear, especially those who want men to like them, but he insists this approach is more effective.

In the era of hookup culture and quick pleasure-seeking, this traditional approach is admittedly very difficult. However, Kirk emphasizes that understanding how men are wired is essential to successful dating.

How Men and Women View Sex Differently

One of the most important things young women need to learn, according to Kirk, is that men do not view sex and relationships the same way women do. This is especially true for young men.

Kirk explains that young men often do not look at sex as the culmination of a deep personal and spiritual bond. A lot of times it's purely physical, simple as that. Many young women don't quite understand this fundamental difference. They think their male counterpart views intimacy the same way they do, and this misunderstanding leaves many women with brokenness, regret, confusion, and torment.

While Kirk acknowledges that hookup culture has hurt men, he's emphatic that it has really hurt women far more. The damage to women has been disproportionately severe compared to the impact on men.

Career Versus Marriage in Your Early Twenties

Kirk offers a piece of general advice paired with prayer: you have to make a decision in your early twenties about whether you're going to prioritize career or finding a husband.

Some might object and say it's not either-or, but Kirk disagrees. It is either-or. By not prioritizing marriage in your early twenties, you run the risk of reaching your late twenties and early thirties suddenly saying you can't find the one.

Kirk's hope for young women is that they don't have to find themselves in that situation. If you prioritize finding a spouse and make it your number one priority, you obviously dramatically improve your chances of success.

What Kirk has observed is that when young ladies say they can get to marriage later, they often end up in their mid-thirties with a lot of regret and a lot of cats.