Westside Tyler: I'm Roasting Charlie Kirk's Assassination With the Darkest Obituary Jokes I Could Write
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Westside Tyler: I'm Roasting Charlie Kirk's Assassination With the Darkest Obituary Jokes I Could Write
This is a dark, satirical mock-obituary written in the immediate aftermath of Charlie Kirk's assassination at Utah Valley University, treating his final moments, his career founding Turning Point USA, and the details of his death as material for a string of morbid jokes rather than straight reporting. It walks through his upbringing in Chicago's northwest suburbs, the founding of Turning Point USA after his 2012 graduation, and the provocative questions that defined his on-camera career, before turning its sharpest jabs toward his wife, Erika Kirk, and their two young children, who were present when he was shot. The piece closes by comparing the distance of the fatal shot, fired from the university's Losee Center rooftop, to the range of Lee Harvey Oswald's 1963 shot that killed President Kennedy. Presented here exactly as scripted, this is satire rather than straight news, built entirely around gallows humor about a real, recent political assassination.
The piece opens by describing America as in shock over the assassination of conservative pundit Charles James Kirk by an unidentified assailant at Utah Valley University, an event some are described as calling almost disgustingly well-timed for comedic effect. At the moment of his death, Kirk had reportedly just been asked how many mass shooters there had been in America over the last ten years, and answered with another question about whether to count gang violence, marking his final public words. The shooter is then described as answering that same question in as pointed a way as possible, firing a single shot from roughly 200 yards into Kirk's neck from the rooftop of the university's Losee Center.
From Suburban Chicago to Turning Point USA
Kirk, 31 at the time of his death, is described as a lifelong supporter of right-wing causes who built a following of millions over his career, one that the piece says began and ended with Kirk making noise on school property, in his youth over lunchroom prices, and later as a nationally known activist. He's described as having grown up in Prospect Heights and Arlington Heights, Illinois, suburbs of Chicago, before founding Turning Point USA after his 2012 graduation, an organization the piece frames sarcastically as devoted to protecting young Americans from liberal ideology while allowing its founder to never hold a conventional job. The piece credits Kirk with transforming how conservative messaging reached young people, turning himself into a millionaire in the process.
Never Missing an Uncomfortable Question
The piece characterizes Kirk's on-camera career as one built around asking provocative questions that others wouldn't, and around advocating for the release of files related to Jeffrey Epstein while also, in the piece's telling, showing restraint when it came to certain high-ranking political figures connected to that same push.
His Wife, His Children, and a New American Milestone
Kirk is described as survived by his wife, Erika Kirk, a former Miss Arizona, and their two children, who were present at the event when he was killed. The piece frames their presence at the shooting as, in its own dark framing, a formative and unwanted introduction to the realities of American public life.
A Record-Setting Shot and a Final, Fitting Joke
The piece notes that, as of its recording, the shooter had not been identified, but describes the shot itself as remarkably well-placed, speculating that its roughly 200-yard range may have exceeded the distance of Lee Harvey Oswald's shot that killed President John F. Kennedy in 1963 by around 120 meters. It closes with a mock-eulogy tone, imagining Kirk himself commenting wryly on the shot before signing off with, "Godspeed, Mr. Kirk. We know you're looking up."
