Charlie Kirk and Erika Kirk on Finding Love, Boss Babe Culture, and Dating as a Christian

[00:00] Well, how do I find somebody? How do I

[00:01] find somebody?

[00:02] >> Mhm.

[00:02] >> And how do I find a Christian, you know,

[00:05] woman? And young ladies asked the same

[00:08] thing to you and to us. And the

[00:13] I think patience is a great answer. But

[00:14] also, you have to prepare yourself as if

[00:18] the next conversation you might have

[00:21] might be the person. Are you the person

[00:23] that you actually think is the most

[00:25] likely to be someone worthy of being

[00:29] attracted to? Right. And so I think that

[00:32] they're young men almost feel entitled

[00:35] to a relationship at times. And I can

[00:38] speak at least from the young male.

[00:39] >> What do you mean by like entitled to?

[00:42] >> I would say that a lot of young men

[00:44] don't have their life together. They

[00:45] don't have

[00:47] >> they are lacking responsibility in their

[00:51] life. they're lacking direction. Um, and

[00:53] I think a lot of young women, they don't

[00:55] necessarily need an Instagram model.

[00:58] They want someone who is willing to take

[01:00] responsibility for difficulty

[01:02] >> and to go through

[01:04] >> um uncertainty and the unknown.

[01:07] >> Mhm. and to tell the truth and to be

[01:10] committed to those ideals, right?

[01:12] >> Where I think

[01:14] >> there is a there's a culture that's been

[01:17] created of young men that basically are

[01:20] afraid of responsibility and they just

[01:21] want the gratification without it. And

[01:24] then there's another whole segment of

[01:26] women that

[01:28] >> basically because of the hyper

[01:31] feminization of everything become almost

[01:33] the male figure in the relationship.

[01:35] Right.

[01:36] >> I think that's very dangerous.

[01:37] >> Well, and there and I I'm a strong

[01:39] female and you know that, but I also and

[01:43] I and I have full respect for other

[01:44] alpha females out there, but there is a

[01:47] time and a place to be an alpha female.

[01:49] And when you're in a relationship, you

[01:53] you are not in competition with your

[01:54] other half and you're not in competition

[01:56] with them from the standpoint of who's

[01:59] in charge.

[01:59] >> So, how do you talk to boss babes out

[02:01] there that are like, I'm never going to

[02:03] be able to find a man?

[02:05] They need to. First of all, humility is

[02:07] huge in that standpoint. But second of

[02:08] all, the whole boss babe culture is so

[02:11] toxic. It's so toxic. And it even talks

[02:14] about in scripture how two oxen can

[02:16] carry a heavier load. You cannot do it

[02:18] all by yourself. And for women out there

[02:20] who think they don't need a man or don't

[02:22] think they need someone to help them um

[02:27] pursue further in life or to have a more

[02:29] complete

[02:30] >> fulfillment

[02:31] >> fulfillment of themselves. It's just

[02:33] it's I have seen it firsthand living in

[02:36] Manhattan where women who are in their

[02:39] late 30s, early 40s, their life was

[02:43] their career and there's nothing wrong

[02:44] with that because I my mom was a career

[02:47] oriented woman and career oriented mom

[02:50] but you sacrificed a lot of things and

[02:53] then by the time you're in your 40s

[02:54] you're bitter, you're frustrated, you

[02:56] you feel like you missed out and you

[02:59] feel like you are behind the curve and

[03:01] then you're just you just are, you know,

[03:05] tainted from a boss babe culture.

[03:08] It it forces women to feel like they all

[03:11] need to be entrepreneurs and they're

[03:14] not. Not everyone is meant to be an

[03:16] entrepreneur. We all have a specific

[03:17] role, but that's why I think so many

[03:19] women get frustrated is they look on

[03:21] social media and they're like, "Oh, this

[03:22] person has their own

[03:24] >> business, right? Or they're selling

[03:27] shampoo or they're a multi-level

[03:28] marketing genius or whatever." But it's

[03:32] one of those things where God, our God

[03:34] is a God of order. And there's a reason

[03:36] why there is a husband and a wife. And

[03:38] there's a reason why there's a family.

[03:39] And there's a reason why there's certain

[03:41] things you're supposed to do in

[03:42] beforehand before you get married. And

[03:43] there things that you're not supposed to

[03:45] do before you get married, which is

[03:46] saved for marriage itself. And I think

[03:49] that goes for dating, too. You're not

[03:52] supposed to treat your boyfriend or your

[03:54] girlfriend like your fiance or like your

[03:56] husband. you set boundaries and you

[03:59] really are able to then say, "Okay, he

[04:02] he is in charge of XYZ in our

[04:04] relationship. I am in charge of the

[04:05] other side of that." And I I know that a

[04:08] lot of women who are strong, they're

[04:10] very strong personality, females, you

[04:13] have to also

[04:15] give your other half, your counterpart,

[04:18] your male um companion, the respect and

[04:23] the respect they deserve. Well, I I

[04:26] think men have to be worthy of that

[04:27] respect, too.

[04:27] >> They do. Absolutely.

[04:28] >> And that it feeds into itself. So, women

[04:30] say, "I'm not worthy of my respect. I'm

[04:32] going to become the man." So, you have

[04:33] these hyper masculine women in their

[04:35] early 30s

[04:36] >> that are quite honestly miserable in

[04:38] relationships,

[04:38] >> right? But it doesn't start like that. I

[04:40] feel like women just they they keep

[04:42] tapping away until the guy completely

[04:44] breaks down and he's like, "Look, you do

[04:45] whatever you want to do. I don't

[04:46] >> they just disengage or they become a

[04:48] feminine man."

[04:49] >> Right.

[04:49] >> New York is full of them.

[04:51] >> Yeah. is of these men that kind of take

[04:54] a backseat role to a much more boss babe

[04:58] type woman.

[04:59] >> I just don't think that works.

[05:01] >> I I mean obviously I don't either

[05:05] considering who I'm dating.

[05:07] >> However, that doesn't mean that

[05:08] >> or who I'm engaged to.

[05:10] >> That doesn't mean women can't succeed

[05:12] and flourish and

[05:14] >> invest in grow. I think it's very

[05:16] important that women are that women have

[05:17] their own whether that's a career or

[05:20] they're invested in something or they're

[05:22] invested in something outside of the

[05:23] household. Whether that's volunteering

[05:25] your time, whether that's having your

[05:27] own company, whether that's

[05:29] homeschooling your kids. Um, I think we

[05:31] all have our own lane and uh position to

[05:34] play within the relationship.

[05:36] >> What bothers you the most when you look

[05:38] at, you kind of touched on this, but the

[05:41] the dating landscape when you look at

[05:43] it?

[05:44] So for me, I I just hate wasting time.

[05:48] That's my biggest thing. I never had

[05:50] short relationships. My relationships

[05:52] were always either they were more they

[05:54] were longer. Uh but for me, it's one of

[05:56] those things where I'm not going to

[05:58] waste my time just going out to dinner

[06:02] just for a free dinner. I think that's

[06:03] so tacky. I think it's tacky that you

[06:06] are stringing someone along because

[06:08] you're afraid of being alone.

[06:10] um you that it just never resonated with

[06:13] me

[06:14] >> and um I I just knew that

[06:19] I there was no reason for me to

[06:21] compromise. And the thing that drives me

[06:22] nuts, too, is when you ask someone who

[06:25] they're looking who they're dating or

[06:27] who they're wanting to marry, they have

[06:29] this list, this but I don't know if you

[06:32] had a list. I didn't have a list, but

[06:33] like I know some people who have a list

[06:36] that is easily 30 items long.

[06:38] >> Like they're building a teddy bear

[06:40] >> 100%.

[06:41] >> Build a bear,

[06:42] >> right? They need to be six foot five.

[06:46] They need to be xyz. They need right

[06:49] like all these things. And you just you

[06:52] literally are looking at them like, are

[06:53] you trying to create a Sims player? Like

[06:55] there's no way you're going to be able

[06:57] to. See, there's certain things you need

[06:58] to compromise on and be realistic with.

[07:01] And God has prepared for you someone who

[07:05] is amazing and someone who is

[07:09] worthy of of your heart and your love

[07:12] and and why would you want to forfeit

[07:15] that?

[07:16] >> Yeah. There's uh people that are

[07:19] emailing us a lot and they say, you

[07:22] know, I have given up all hope. I'm

[07:24] never going to find anyone. right?

[07:26] >> You know, what can I possibly do? And

[07:29] again, I I think that before looking

[07:32] outward and getting bitter, you should

[07:33] look inward and try and say, "How am I

[07:36] going to prove myself worthy of actually

[07:38] wanting to

[07:39] >> to be with?" At least that's on the male

[07:40] side. I don't think that I don't know if

[07:42] it's necessarily

[07:42] >> Well, and how would you recommend them

[07:44] looking

[07:45] >> on the male?

[07:45] >> Yeah.

[07:47] >> Stop doing addictive things that make

[07:50] you less likely to be productive.

[07:54] >> Okay. So chemically addictive

[07:57] >> uh obviously substances and for men I

[08:00] think it's

[08:01] >> it's a different issue because the young

[08:05] men have been beat down so much

[08:08] >> and I think that women are being pushed

[08:10] in a position that they're not actually

[08:11] always comfortable with. I think there's

[08:12] some young ladies that literally just I

[08:15] don't want to say literally just but

[08:16] they want to become a mother and a wife

[08:18] but they feel that's not the right thing

[08:20] to do at age 24 25. Why not

[08:22] >> right? that's okay,

[08:24] >> right?

[08:24] >> Well, I have to go work at some awful

[08:26] company in San Francisco for a couple

[08:28] years. Why?

[08:29] >> Mhm.

[08:29] >> And then they start to realize that it's

[08:32] actually a lot harder to find somebody

[08:34] worthwhile to go build a family or go do

[08:36] >> Well, and in those cities especially,

[08:38] that's the hardest thing is like in

[08:40] those types of cities, it's not like you

[08:41] can just run into someone. So, a lot of

[08:43] those people that do go to those big

[08:44] cities hope to find someone in the

[08:46] church. And that's where it gets kind of

[08:48] messy because when you go to a Bible

[08:51] study that's co-ed and people are

[08:54] single, everyone's just like sniffing

[08:56] each other like, "Are you single? Are

[08:57] you sing? Will you go you want to go get

[08:59] coffee?" And it's just that weird

[09:00] tiptoeing around.

[09:02] >> It's really not a Bible study.

[09:03] >> No, not at all. Which is unfortunate.

[09:07] But and that's for a whole another topic

[09:09] at another time. But I think there

[09:12] becomes almost this desperation of I'm

[09:14] running out of time. And I think people

[09:16] forget that God is the author of time

[09:18] and he knows exactly when you need to

[09:20] find that person and when you need to

[09:22] settle down and where you need to be.

[09:24] And I think that for me that's one of

[09:25] the most precious things is having that

[09:27] relationship with Christ. Knowing, okay,

[09:29] where am I supposed to be at this time?

[09:31] Where am I supposed to be living? You

[09:33] know, what am I supposed to be doing to

[09:35] further the kingdom? and really being

[09:36] vulnerable and open to making sure that

[09:38] you stay within the confines of God's

[09:40] will and living a life that's that's

[09:43] glorifying to him.

[09:45] >> Uh we're super excited.

[09:47] >> Mhm.

[09:47] >> And this is a very exciting chapter

[09:51] despite all the nonsense happening in

[09:52] our country and the world.

[09:54] >> What is the one question that you're

[09:55] annoyed of getting?

[09:57] >> Well, when is the wedding?

[09:59] >> That drives me nuts.

[10:00] >> Let's I mean, we just got engaged.

[10:02] >> We just got engaged. I I I can't I can't

[10:04] go to wedding, let alone host a wedding.

[10:06] >> We don't even know what time we're

[10:07] leaving the office, let alone

[10:11] how am I supposed to host a wedding. I

[10:12] can't I can't have eight people over for

[10:15] Thanksgiving.

[10:16] >> I just Plus, I'm not a huge wedding

[10:19] person.

[10:21] >> I mean, that's unusual for for women.

[10:23] Usually, the entire life centers around

[10:25] the wedding planning a wedding since

[10:26] they were five. That's not me.

[10:28] >> Yeah.

[10:29] >> Yeah. So that that that question

[10:30] >> that question

[10:31] >> I mean and then it's just timeline is

[10:33] just kind of

[10:34] >> timeline. Yeah.

[10:35] >> Figuring it all out. I think for me it's

[10:37] people saying like let me see the ring.

[10:40] >> Yeah.

[10:40] >> Drives me nuts.

[10:41] >> That's definitely a common question.

[10:43] >> It's so and I get it and I respect it

[10:45] cuz there's a lot of people who are

[10:46] excited about seeing you know the but to

[10:49] me it was always so tacky when girls

[10:51] would take a photo.

[10:54] >> I'm so excited and engaged

[10:56] >> with their hand in front of their face.

[10:58] Right. Or excited.

[11:00] >> Or they'll put their hand out.

[11:03] >> It's just a picture of their hand,

[11:04] >> right? And then the man is blurred in

[11:06] the background. We talk about like

[11:07] disenfranchised men. Uh but no,

[11:10] >> I'm so sad I'm engaged. Just look at

[11:12] this. Look at Look at it. Look at it

[11:14] again.

[11:16] >> Keep looking.

[11:16] >> I know. Jeez. Oh my gosh.

[11:19] >> Burn your retinas. But no, it's one of

[11:20] those things where it just I I don't I

[11:24] don't find I look the most important

[11:26] thing to me out of all of this is that

[11:28] this is a covenant that you and I are

[11:30] making with God.

[11:32] >> And that is where I want the focus to

[11:33] remain.

[11:34] >> Whether that's with us or everyone else

[11:36] that sees us from the outside, it's not

[11:39] You could have literally have gotten me

[11:42] a piece of thread

[11:43] >> string.

[11:44] >> Yes. A ring pop. But that's that's

[11:46] advice to men is don't go cheap on the

[11:48] ring. It's true. It has to you have to

[11:51] be invested.

[11:52] >> What is the statistic? It's what do they

[11:55] say the percentage of your

[11:57] >> It's supposed to be one month salary.

[11:59] >> One month salary.

[12:00] >> I think that's right. Yeah.

[12:02] >> I I don't know.

[12:05] >> For young people out there, if you want

[12:06] to find meaning,

[12:08] find something worth taking

[12:10] responsibility for.

[12:11] >> Yeah. Yeah. So, but it's been a fun

[12:15] journey. fun. Right.

[12:16] >> Just getting started.

[12:16] >> Yeah. I'm grateful for you.

[12:18] >> Thanks for joining the Charlie Kirk

[12:20] show.

[12:21] >> You're welcome. We should do this more

[12:22] often.

[12:23] >> All right.

[12:24] >> Any last words?

[12:25] >> Well, not walking the plank.

[12:30] >> So,

[12:32] >> you have no final words for your

[12:33] listeners as a cap off?

[12:35] >> Thank you guys for listening and please

[12:37] support Erica's fashion line.

[12:39] >> That's sweet.

[12:40] >> proclaimed.com.

[12:42] See, they liked that. It's my live

[12:44] audience.

[12:45] >> And subscribe to the Charlie Kirk show.

[12:47] >> That would help.

[12:47] >> Let us beat the New York Times.

[12:49] >> You know all of it.

[12:50] >> I know all of it. Let us beat the New

[12:52] York Times. We're rising in the charts.

[12:55] We're surging in the charts.

[12:56] >> Surging in the charts. And here

[12:59] >> we

[12:59] >> go.

[13:02] See, she knows all of it. I love you.

[13:05] >> I love you, too, babe.