Charlie Kirk and Erika Kirk on Finding Love, Boss Babe Culture, and Dating as a Christian
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Charlie Kirk and Erika Kirk on Finding Love, Boss Babe Culture, and Dating as a Christian
Charlie Kirk sits down with his fiancée Erika Kirk for an honest conversation about dating in the modern world. They tackle questions young people ask constantly: How do you find a Christian spouse? What's wrong with boss babe culture? Why are so many young men and women struggling in relationships? Erika shares her perspective on strong women who still honor biblical roles in relationships, the toxicity of career-obsessed culture that leaves women bitter in their 40s, and why she never had a 30-item checklist for her ideal man. Charlie challenges young men to stop feeling entitled to relationships without taking responsibility, warns against wasting time in directionless dating, and explains why both men and women need to prepare themselves as if the next person they meet could be the one. This is a refreshing, no-nonsense discussion on faith, patience, respect, and God's timing in relationships.
The Question Everyone Asks: How Do I Find Someone?
Young people constantly reach out with the same question: How do I find a Christian spouse? Charlie Kirk addresses this by emphasizing that patience is important, but so is preparation. You need to prepare yourself as if the next conversation you have might be with the person you'll marry. The question isn't just about finding someone—it's about whether you're the kind of person worthy of being attracted to.
Charlie observes that young men sometimes feel entitled to relationships without having their lives together. They lack responsibility and direction. Young women, on the other hand, don't necessarily need an Instagram model. They want someone willing to take responsibility for difficulty, navigate uncertainty, tell the truth, and be committed to those ideals. There's a culture of young men afraid of responsibility who just want gratification without commitment, and a segment of women who, because of hyper-feminization, become almost the male figure in relationships.
Strong Women and Biblical Relationships
Erika Kirk identifies as a strong female but emphasizes there's a time and place to be an alpha female. When you're in a relationship, you're not in competition with your other half, especially not over who's in charge. She addresses the "boss babe" culture head-on, calling it toxic.
The boss babe culture forces women to feel like they all need to be entrepreneurs when not everyone is meant to be one. Women see others on social media with their own businesses or multi-level marketing success and feel inadequate. But God is a God of order. There's a reason for husband and wife, for family, for certain things you're supposed to do before marriage and things saved for marriage itself.
Erika witnessed this firsthand living in Manhattan, where women in their late 30s and early 40s made their career their entire life. By their 40s, they're bitter, frustrated, feeling like they missed out and are behind the curve, tainted by boss babe culture. Scripture talks about how two oxen can carry a heavier load—you cannot do it all by yourself. Women who think they don't need a man or someone to help them pursue life miss out on a more complete fulfillment of themselves.
Respect and Responsibility in Relationships
In dating, you set boundaries. You're not supposed to treat your boyfriend or girlfriend like your fiancé or spouse. There are lanes—he's in charge of certain things, she's in charge of others. Strong personality females need to give their male companion the respect he deserves.
Charlie adds that men have to be worthy of that respect too. When they're not, women say "I'm not getting respect, I'm going to become the man," leading to hyper-masculine women in their early 30s who are miserable in relationships. Women keep pushing until the guy breaks down, disengages, or becomes a feminine man. Cities like New York are full of men who take a backseat role to boss babe type women.
This doesn't mean women can't succeed, flourish, invest, and grow. Women should have their own pursuits—whether a career, volunteering, running a company, or homeschooling kids. Everyone has their own lane and position within the relationship.
What's Wrong with Modern Dating?
Erika's biggest frustration with the dating landscape is wasting time. She never had short relationships—they were always longer. She wouldn't go out to dinner just for a free dinner or string someone along out of fear of being alone. There was no reason to compromise.
What drives her crazy is when people have lists of 30 items for their ideal partner—like building a character in The Sims. They need to be six foot five, have specific characteristics, all these requirements. There are certain things you need to compromise on and be realistic about. God has prepared someone amazing and worthy of your heart and love—why would you forfeit that for an unrealistic checklist?
For Those Who Have Given Up Hope
Many people email saying they've given up hope of ever finding anyone. Charlie's advice: before looking outward and getting bitter, look inward. Ask yourself how you're going to prove yourself worthy of wanting to be with.
For young men specifically, he recommends stopping addictive things that make you less productive—substances and other chemical addictions. Young men have been beaten down so much, while women are pushed into positions they're not always comfortable with. Some young ladies simply want to become a mother and wife at 24 or 25, but they feel that's not the right thing to do. They think they have to work at some company in San Francisco for a couple years. Why? Then they realize it's actually harder to find someone worthwhile to build a family with.
In big cities, you can't just run into someone easily. People hope to find someone at church, which creates a messy dynamic. Co-ed Bible studies full of single people turn into everyone sniffing around asking "Are you single? Want to get coffee?" It's not really a Bible study anymore.
God's Timing Over Your Timeline
There's a desperation that sets in: I'm running out of time. But people forget that God is the author of time. He knows exactly when you need to find that person, when to settle down, and where you need to be. For Erika, the most precious thing is having that relationship with Christ—knowing where you're supposed to be, what you're supposed to be doing to further the kingdom, being vulnerable and open to staying within God's will and living a life glorifying to Him.
The Engagement and What Matters Most
Charlie and Erika just got engaged, and they're already tired of certain questions. "When is the wedding?" tops the list—they just got engaged and can barely plan to leave the office, let alone host a wedding. Erika also can't stand when people demand to see the ring, especially the tacky trend of girls posting engagement photos with their hand in front of their face or just a picture of the hand with the man blurred in the background.
For Erika, the most important thing is that this is a covenant she and Charlie are making with God. That's where the focus should remain, whether for them or everyone watching from the outside. Charlie could have given her a piece of string or a ring pop—though she does note that men shouldn't go cheap on the ring. You have to be invested. The old rule is one month's salary.
Charlie's final advice for young people: if you want to find meaning, find something worth taking responsibility for. The journey is just getting started, and both are grateful for what God has in store.
